After ManishÂ’s departure, the bunker basement has been full of weeping, moaning, mewling sounds. A pouting face appears around every corner as inhabitants go through their stages of loss. The monkeys, they loved him so.
Rajni, my roommate, has turned into an insomniac. Baboon Scotty smashes one bottle of Jager an hour against the common room wall. Yazad, the Mountain Gorilla, shaved off all his fur and is running around naked and morose after declaring that hair is the sole cause of all strife. Rochelle, the Orangutan who used to leave anonymous love notes in ManishÂ’s mail box, read something about marriage in the comments and is now wandering the halls with a broken keyboard, yelling, “IÂ’ll CUT that wench!” Bonobos Rohan and Junaid finished two bottles of kaju feni and are starting to reek like rotting garbage. Kinjal, a wee Spider Monkey, is lying face down on my hammock, simply butchering “Bucky Done Gone” in her screechy voice, on repeat. And the worst reaction of them all comes from Mithun the Rhesus Macaque, sweet Mithun, he ripped his red sequined jumpsuit to shreds and has sworn off dancing forever!
In my life, I have encountered a fair bit of human sadness but this is too much to bear. Oh lordy, I am weaker than ever in the face of monkey melancholy. Wanting to help my new friends, I decided to buck up and enlist the help of Dino, a wise Chimpanzee and a distant relation of Nim Chimpsky. We rigged massive sets of speakers in every room and are hoping to produce enough sound to blow the roof off this sucka depression. Manish should be thought of with coy smiles and appreciative laughter only, no? Our plan is simple. Choose one tune that is so bloody sad it makes grown adults cry on a good day and play it nonstop at a very high volume for five hours straight. We call it, “Operation: Tough Love”.According to our plan, the monkeys will be forced to listen to the tune and when they do they will identify with the sadness present in song and will cry their eyeballs out. Though I am horrified at the thought of crying monkeys, I know that this is for the best. After about two hours, they will be all cried out (we hope) and will have no choice but to keep listening to the extremely loud music. Their initial relationship with the lyrics and melody will change into something resembling annoyance. Repetition is bound to have that effect.
By four hours of listening, the monkeys will be downright angry. The need to injure physically either Dino or myself will have replaced any lingering heart wrenching sadness. At this point, I will put on my monkey suit and pretend to be furious. Finally, by the fifth hour, everyone will be so tried of crying, being angry, and most importantly, of being sad that they will treat their return to normal existence with a newfound peace of mind. Amen.
What song are we choosing for this therapy, you ask? It is a Smiths tune but of course. And not just any olÂ’ Smiths tune but THE saddest Smiths tune. And not just any original that we have heard a thousand times before but an acoustic cover. And not just a regular cover sung by an unworthy and untrained voice but one that has been sung by multi-talented singer/musician, Arif Husain, who just happens to be desi. Yes, you read me right. I usually gag a little at the thought of Smiths covers and as I read the words “There is a light” on his My Space page I admit my hopes were not high. But. I was in for a surprise and you are too, so go check the tune out at his page or if you would rather have an MPFree then head over to his website, which offers a few of his covers as well as some original compositions.
Arif has (a perfect resume) wonderful control over his tranquil voice and pretty much kills any attempts at poo-pooing with Morrissey comparisons. This is what it means when Paula Abdul drunkenly yells, “You made it your own!” hiccup Some other interesting bits about our independent variable include an M.I.T. degree in Cognitive Sciences (Arey va, wot a nice boy :-), extensive research activity in cognitive and brain sciences, and a blog.
Our selection has been made. All doors have been locked. Wish us well, friends, time to press play in 5…4…3…2…This one’s for you, Manish.
Bawling my eyes out! My fav Smith’s song! Nice send-off for Manish, who will be sorely missed.
I’m convinced that every brown Smiths fan on the internet visits this site. 🙂
I think you’re right Abhi.
Thanks for the link to Husain, Neha. I think I’m in lurve. 😉
If I weren’t in a coma, I’d be weeping at the tragic perfection of TiaL, the anthem of my college years. I know, I know, it’s really serious.
nice song … but this guy arif … [burning in green envy]… he strikes me as the kind of guy who’d be casually and fashionably disheveled in school … and would never be short of female companionship… damn it… i tried that scruffy look last year and somebody dropped a quarter in my coffee cup… [burn][burn]… now manish… he’s a man’s man, no? can see myself having paranthey and lassi with him sitting on a rope munji in some dhaba… and chakking the phattey in a club with some bunnies from the pind via LA … downing a hviskey and soda in a bar etc … so what if he wears velvet and is the nefarious pajamahideen .
wow. that guy is really smart.
why am i not smart? 🙁
i’m sure he could tell me why… mr. brain researcher.
yo lingus! what was your poison? anthropology? zoology? … that’s more than google research up there?
The Smiths! And a brown brotha crooning “take me out tonigght”–this totally made my day.
You’re right Neha, I was rather apprehensive at first, thinking, great, here’s another desi who’s maybe tinkered around with a bunch of chords during freshman year doing a cover of the holy grail of modern rock….and I was pleasantly surprised. In a very wierd way, his voice has that slight hint of Sonu Nigam nasal timbre, which lends itself beautifully to how he’s covered TiaL, almost as if a young ghazal artist understands the finer nuances of a Smiths song. Brilliant.
Okay, I have to re-comment, because after listening to that song five times in a row, now I want to cry, dress in black and read Camus, smoke clove cigarettes and drink Vermouth. I forgot how dangerous the Smiths are.
the saddest thing about the smiths is listening to morrissey sing about loneliness and not knowing that there’s so many other people listening to him too. its an irony of teenage lonliness
btw, can we do without the reqiesite omg he’s so hot everytime a desi guy is doing something good
(i mean this is a nice way but still, i’m sure he’s not a musician for the adoration)
*ducks and runs for cover
ouch…
the goan elixir which really will probably leave you reaking of garbage. good call neha
Are there any Bengali people here that wear platforms?
ANNA, you little charmer, take a bow. All men have secrets and here is mine — I love this song too! There’s a club, if you’d like to go, where they’re playing it constantly — and when they do, I wonder to myself could life ever be sane again. And when they don’t? Hang the blessed DJ.
(55 words to boot — my first 55 Friday contribution ever! Definitely gonna be panic on the streets of Carlisle, Dublin, Dundee, and Humberside now. Okay, off for the evening — that is, if I find a decent stitch to wear.)
His “Comfort that Hurts” is beautifully disarming and somehow even more depressing than his sublime take on the Smiths. And that guy is really smart.
THE best Smiths song ever written, hands down. Although Bigmouth Strikes Again and That Joke Isn’t Funny Anymore come very very close.
Which is why I am highly apprehensive listening to anyone other than Morrissey crooning “There is a Light…”, especially if he’s brown.
correction, that I have ever heard…my bad
Um, wow! Best to Manish…and I sure wish I could help save Sepia, but it looks like it’s coming together quite nicely!
Can’t wait to see the changes!
Oh, you guys… going on and on about The Smiths.
Look, the best British group EVER to grace this planet is Depeche Mode.
Period.
The lads from Liverpool take that crown I’m afraid. No contest. Simply the greatest.
heard this kid deesha on cbc on my way back from barrie – not my taste – but seems to have the same mopey lounge crooner vibe as your buddy arif and similar aesthetic appeal – so fyi.
ooooo!! good find!!! she is totally what i wanted to be when i was 14.
It’s a good thing I’m not drinking this evening. With this song, Moz on the jukebox where I’m headed tonight and the Smashing Pumpkins’ cover of Never Let Me Down Again (speaking of Depeche Mode) playing in the background, no more downers.
Remember, kids, the correct way to slit your wrists is along, not across, the arms for maximum bleeding.
thanks for the advice, Maitri – “Heaven knows I’m miserable know.”
Manish is gone ? Where ? Why ? etc.
On that subject, I’m hearing unlikely rumours of a past liaison between Mozzer and “Shahbaz” of the UK’s present season of Big Brother. Tooled up asian boy, indeed.
Sounds like a really sad environment around there, right now.
R2K
He was also missed at the Mumbai Bloggers meet yesterday… Hearts were broken…
So, would this be the right place to discuss if Mr Morrissey is or is not a racist?
(I know he’s not. I love him. But that whole incident and the way he handled it was pretty funny)
Smiths covers don’t do it for me. Morrissey for the Smiths!
neha is hot i read all her posts she makes the most kick arse french toast
testify -nv-
NV, Pointing out a woman’s hotness and cooking ability is sexist. But it’s not your fault, you’re probably a desi male. You’re probably a racist, a honophobe and NRA member. Hail Gurinder Chadha. Peace.
Dear Krazy Ass
Im not usually one to have a stab at others who label me, but it seems as though you want to start something. So here we go, wait, let me take my shirt of, furrow my brow, and growl, this is the usual pose i take when a “crazy ass” insults me and seeing as im a typical “desi male”, violence and ego masterbation are second nature to me. Anyway its awfully unfair of you to straight away assume i think neha is hot purely because shes a physically attractive female. Now i did specify in my quasi-poetic comment that i read all her posts, so couldnt it be slightly possible that i find her attractive because of her intelligence wit and generally kick arse writing? in the same way i find say arundhathi roy “totally hot” eh? eh? ahhhhh Secondly i wasnt really pointing out her cooking ability, i dont really know her, let alone how she cooks. Unlike others who post comments attempting to show their own intelligence throwing their 2 cents worth into the blogosphere in the faint hope someone will reply back going “hey man ur ishmaaaart”, i post messages that make very little sense, they usually rhyme because comments tend to sound sillier that way, and they usually go of the topic before the sentence ends, why? i dont really know i just get a kick out of it, you want to castrate me for being silly as well?. Anyway, so when i made my point, “neha is hot i read all her posts” the only thing that came to my mind was french toast, not just because it rhymed, but because im a “desi male” and i like anything thats even slightly deep fried. It was silly and it was me thinking of the bloody breakfast i missed because i slept in this morning, im sorry it wasnt anyting more controversial.
Ok as for me being a racist, not possible i find all women attractive. Homophobe? impossible i have a man crush on rahul bose. member of the NRA, dont you have to be a yanky doodle dandy to be a member? im australian so i cant be, but secondly i dont have a streak of violent behaviour in me, yeah true story, i once went to punch a guy in high school and ended up slapping him instead, weird eh? And finally, why couldnt i have been a lesbian? why did you straight away assume i was a bloke?…..
And my last comment before it goes past my bed time here in OZ, “hail gurindher chadda?” what are you man 16? jeeesh
-nv-
ps neha, i really am a decent guy, maybe sometime we can go shooting gay dudes together?
Assuming that “Krazy Ass Desi” is actually Cheap Ass Desi acting under a pseudonym, I’m pretty sure she was just joking in post #33…..
Jai, for the sake of my excruciatingly long comment, i hope you frikking wrong
U will respect bush !!! http://www.faithfreedom.org/gallery.htm
Is Krazy Ass really Cheap Ass? If yes, then yea NV I think she was kidding. Thanks and spanks for the comment, the long one too 🙂 And I really wish I could make french toast or anything edible. But I can shoot guns blindfolded while doing a headstand. I’ll make someone a wonderful vaife.
Neha ,
How does one “do a headstand” ? Is it an obscure American term for a headboard ? If so, how does one “do” a headboard ? Is it a euphemism for doing the ‘wild monkey dance’ whilst repeatedly getting one’s head banged against the headboard ?
Or is it some saucy innuendo for having skills in certain activities whilst being blindfolded and/or upside down ?
Is this what wayward Indian women put on their biodata these days ? Has someone notified Shaadi.com ?
It’s enough to make you run towards an arranged marriage with some innocent, naive wide-eyed girl from the village who can’t speak a word of English but can make a mean aloo paratha. Well okay, not really, but one has to pretend to be a good India boy for the sake of appearances; one never knows which Uncle or Auntie is browsing through SM and having horrified mock-heart attacks about how young desis have no shame these days.
PS Yes I do know that Neha meant what we Britishers call a “handstand”. I’m allowed to be smutty one in a while 😉
I’ll go back to pretending to being a Good Indian Boy now. Time to force my hair into a nice respectable side-parting.
Neha, Jai:
Hell no, “Krazy Ass” IS NOT me. I noticed the name “Krazy Ass Desi” yesterday, partly because I resentfully felt like someone was trying to steal my style, and I was about to write a post claiming intellectual rights over my name, but then I started to think: since I’m fairly new on SM, what if “Krazy Ass” was someone who had been here before me? I could have been easily accused of trying to cop Krazy Ass’!
I go under the name Cheap Ass Desi in its various avatars (that is, modifiers that describe my emotional state and/or content of my comments); ie “Iron pumpin’ Cheap Ass Desi“, “Tiny Cheap Ass Desi“, “Globe trottin’ Cheap Ass Desi” etc; but under no other handle. There is no other Cheap Ass Desi but me, and I am no other than Cheap Ass Desi.
nv:
Lucky for you that Jai is wrong! It’s wasn’t me, I am not “Krazy Ass Desi”, I am “Cheap Ass Desi”. So you were right to pick this bone of contention with this character “Krazy Ass Desi, a poser who is trying to punk my trademark!!
Everybody:
I’d never write a comment along the same lines as this one- especially the underlined part- even jokingly. If you ask me, “Krazy Ass Desi” is just another troll.
CAD, thanks for the clarification, girl. I was quite confused as I don’t see you as a “Krazy with a K!” kind of gal 🙂 Aren’t you flattered? You’ve already spawned a biter! Fame is around the corner, CAD!
Jai, a headstand is like a handstand except you balance upside down on your head instead of your hands. Sometimes I wish village boys were like village girls so my mum could find me one who would feed me.
Neha:
Yeah, “Krazy Ass Desi” is some poser. Now, though, my suspicions are growing…why choose “Krazy” with a “K” rather than “C”? Think about it: when I’m too lazy to write out “Cheap Ass Desi”, I settle for “CAD”. This trickster can now sign off as “KAD”, but “CAD” and “KAD” have the same exact pronounciation. Maybe “Krazy Ass Desi” is out there to discredit and defame my good name on SM….what a sneaky, devious, malicious little punk.
On another note, Neha, since you are 1) an SM blogger, 2)live close to Chicago 3) a fellow Guju, I’d like to extend an invitation to you. I know you reside in Canada, but you’re only a lake away from us! So on July 1, hop into your little canoe, and “row, row, row your boat” across Lake Michigan over to Devon/Diwan St., Chicago for an afternoon full of racy SM fun! The pleasure, the privelege, is mine.
Oh, and BTW, since you’re my bhen and all (Guju solidarity!!), would you mind buying me that Patel Rap CD. Thanks!!!!!!!!
–Cheap Ass Desi
My goodness… interspeciate love (unrequited, I’d like to point out). I’m blushing. Thanks for the, er, bestial big ups, Aer Lingus!
Manish:
Since your comments are cropping up one after the other at the moment, and hence, testimony to the fact that you are present, let me ask you this question:
You’d prefer Depeche Mode anyday over The Smiths, right? Just wondering, because it is an established sacred truth that Depeche Mode was probably Britain’s greatest contribution to the world. Ever.
The trouble with the Smiths is they leave me down. I’d take Smiths lyrics + DM melodies, but I’d take early Sting’s lyrics over either.
did i just “own” krazy ass desi? thats the word yamericans use init? neha is guju as well? dang man could she get any more perfect? i make a wicked dhokla neha….. and whats with all this band talk, am i the only loser who still listens to junoon and noori?
Manish:
Oohh, Sting…bhery bhery nice. Love old school Sting.
But, I beg to differ with you. Early Sting rocked (“early Sting” meaning while he was in The Police, right?) but over Depeche Mode? “Flies on the Windscreen” is top song, yaar. However, Sting’s early stuff is quite kick-ass as well, so I’d say both early Sting and early Depeche Mode are tied. These two didn’t compare to those British pretty boy pop bands like Duran Duran, which to be honest, simply sucked. Like the Spice Girls.
Hey, SM’ers, I think that we should play a rendition of a “Spice Girls” song for Manish’s farewell gig. Except, instead of the name “Spice Girls”, we’ll call it “Masala Girls”, and get this—– the female Mutineers will be the Masala Girls! They will dress up and sing old Spice Girls songs for Manish!! “If you wanna be my lova!!”
Depeche Mode is nice, but they are a bit dated. When you listen to their songs you just think ’80s’ (and that goes for the stuff they released in the 90s too).