Ever since I got my nano, I have been obsessed with downloading podcasts. Since there isn’t a Sepia Mutiny podcast for me to download (ahem) I do the next best thing and listen to a Desi Dilemma, a podcast by a woman named Smitha Radhakrishnan. This week’s series on ‘Desi Love’ perked my ear up- seeing as how the search for a ‘suitable mate’ is always at the forefront topic for most mutineers (or so it seems).
“There was a clear message from the Indian community about dating, that it was somehow inextricably linked with the most dangerous, scary thing that could befall an ABCD kid; an identity crisis.”
As has been mentioned before on this blog, as an ABCD youth one often had to deal with the projection by your peers that the only people you were expected to date is that one other desi in the school, even though you had nothing in common with them. Forget the fact that you weren’t allowed to date; if you had been, there was no one there for you to date, in the often confusing bi-cultural high school years. For me, this reminds me of senior prom. And prom reminds me of how my mother wouldn’t let me go to prom unless I went with my gay guy friend because only then would she know nothing would happen to me on prom night. How’s that for bi-cultural confusion?
Though in the realm of desi pride now, growing up there was also the conflict of trying to fit in and be as American as possible. I recently received the following e-mail:
I came to US at a young age, I faced discrimination from those who were born here… they acted like they were too good for me…Then as I made closer friendship with Americans to avoid all the bulls***t south Asians were giving, the new comers from south Asia started giving me the same crap. Eventually I became this “white boy” among SAs..Of course, I have learned to deal with such issues as I’ve grown up …But this question has always lingered in my mind… why do SAs hate each other? What makes US born’s better than those who come here? And how is it that those US born’s turn SAs so quickly during college years, and see those whom they disdained for being SA in the first place still as different?
Now that I’m older and in the ivory tower I can use big words like assimilation and racialization to analyze the divide in the generations, but really, when you’re just a kid in school, all you are trying to do is fit in. Being able to analyze this factor of bi-cultural identity now doesn’t make dating for a 20-something female any easier. In fact, knowing the internalized identity issues simply makes searching for love all the more confusing. There’s desi chick lit trying to manuever around it, and I regularly read a various group of blogs by single desi females all talking about similar issues. We are bombarded with desi dating websites, as well as pressure from family. Until that tab for Sepia Destiny is created, what’s a single girl got to do?
As Smitha asks in her podcast, and I’d like to further pose to you on this lazy Saturday afternoon,
“Are there things about being desi that give us a different set of expectations about our love life and our marital lives than our non-Indian peers?”
The way you phrased your post drips of misogyny.
It’s picquant, yes, and you’re projecting the rest. Do you deny that more women than men expect someone else to be the primary earner?
The point I’m trying to make is that it’s not ‘patriarchy, ha! I win, you lose!’
My point isn’t about patriarchy, which deserves to be in the rubbish bin of history. It’s about the reality of rent, every 30 days, 12 times a year. Women can’t simultaneously bemoan the lack of artsy men while not stepping up for their own financial independence. It’s anti-feminist and hypocritical.
With regards to the whole issue of negative attitudes towards women in South Asian culture, it’s worth remembering that, unfortunately, amongst many of the older generation, being as conservative and narrow-minded as possible is regarded as a virtue. This is why so many of them behave in the way that they do, and a lot of it is also driven by ego-driven (along with paranoid) issues regarding what “other people” will think.
Correspondingly, many younger desis react to this by going in completely the opposite direction, where being as wild and unrestrained as possible is regarded as a virtue (this is just a general statement and not intended negatively towards anyone on SM).
Of course, the reality is that the best approach is often at neither of the aforementioned extremes, although some situations require a conservative approach and others a very liberal mindset, depending on the specific circumstances. Thinking in terms of black-&-white extremes is where the danger lies, for both older and younger desis.
– North Indians mostly reason using their hearts while South Indians use their brains 🙂 – South Indians are less likely to enter into a fight. – Northies are more likely to talk to strangers…southies are a bit more reserved.
Thanks for the laugh. This has to go down as one of the most ridiculous analysis ever made on SM.
Oops! I guess the poster (brown_fob) was not peddling the above as his analysis but merely pointing out the stereotypes. My bad! But the stereotypes are patently ridiculous nevertheless.
Going back to the food issue (sorry, can’t help it), as a Bengali I do not consider ‘smelly’ to be a pejorative. Try subsisting on bland thalis of dal-bhath-sabji, with maybe a little alu bhaja thrown in once in a while, for a month. Smelly food wins every time.
By the way, why do Bengalis go unclaimed by either North Indians or South Indians? Why are we the orphan child among the states? And what are some funny generalizations about Bengalis?
Hmmm 🙂 Please share.
AMFD – Yes, those were not my observations. Those were typical stereotypes that I have heard/seen over the years.
dharma_queen – Bengalis are generally not clubbed with North Indians. They have a separate group for themselves. I’ll ask my friends and let you know of some funny generalizations about Bengalis.
I’ve always wondered about this, too. My N. Indian friends’ parents joke that Bengalis intellectualize too much (reference to adda?), but Indo-Americans in school just seemed unaware about where the region was and what was distinctive about it.
just a random comment to say whoo hoo ! for diversity.
All i know is that the one of the best foods to eat is thosai with bhindi masala. A perfect combinatation of north meets south. =D
What gets my goat the most is how some northies act that all indian culture is what exists within bollywood. I think its more around people my age (I’m 19) where if you don’t know the latest bollywood guy or movie, you are labelled as not being “indian” ( oh yes, knowing the latest tamil movie is not a brownie point.)
And they perpetuate this damnned sterotype to every non desi person around so alot of non-desis walk around assuming that bombay and delhi is all there is to India. And yes, that everybody dances around a coconut tree :S
And, well, just wondering, do you guys get grief about caste? Well, I’m brahmin and I’m deathly sick of being accused of opressing people back in India. I tire of explaining how its evolved into a political tool and being brahmin now, is more just about culture to my generation than anything else. We do things differently, that’s all.
If anyone is boorish enough to ask what your caste is, you don’t have to answer. That’s like asking someone how much their father makes for a living. It’s that coarse and stupid. Let people know that, and you won’t have issues anymore.
when you put it that way, almost every continent ( though asian born desi seems mildy odd, seeing Indian IS in Asia) except europe fits too. ( hey actually Meena, too, well just call you amsterdam (nearly) born desi)
So never say, desis do not have foresight because whether you are born in ahmedabad or antartica, we got you covered =)
Random – the comment above assumes the people ‘giving you grief’ about caste are non-desis, of course…
Never ever! I’m amazed at how dogmatic some of the parents of friends I grew up with have been. I never realized how lucky I am that my parents support me no matter what mostly because they trust my judgement and respect it. I have a slew of friends who broke up with their longtime love to marry someone Indian. Hell someone that sits two desks over from me at work I just found out got engaged to a nice Indian boy. She was living with her white boyfriend up until December for nearly 3 years! That I choose on my own to want to be with someone Indian is a completely different issue.
Hell it’s the same with Maharashtrians. We are neither to the north nor to the south. And we love our smelly foods. The average daily food of a Maharashtrian is boring and bland (and I love it) but we have kolbi curry (shrimp curry) and a lot of Goan influences which has very strong aromatic foods. Love it. Don’t care what anyones got to say about it. Having said that I wouldn’t be so rude as to take my kolbi curry to work and heat it in the microwave.
Hmm.. North-South divide in India is my area of interest.. :-)..
First a few myths to be blown. I doubt that if you can call any region in India is vegetarian / non-vegetarian. It depends upon who you meet and what they eat and then you generalise it to the whole population.. I am yet to meet a gujarati hindu who is a non-vegetarian, but I won’t generalise. Maybe I’ve just met the upper-caste folks so far.
I believe eating habits are dictated by parents that is further dictated by caste/religious beliefs. Very few decide to turn vegetarian after considering the humanitarian aspects. Brahmins /Upper-castes/Buddhists/Jains eat just the vegetarian food. I’d say around 85% of the population in India are non-vegetarians. (Generalising from my observation from TN, and extrapolating using the caste/religious compositions, I believe this generalisation is valid).
Secondly, I have to admit being a Tamil, I treated everyone North of Tirupati to be North Indian.. 🙂 . And generally thought everyone speaks Hindi. I was disabused later by meeting an old lady who knew only Marathi and can’t understand Hindi. India is a very diverse place having multiple languages / cultures / subcultures etc.. Neighboring regions have a lot of commonalities in languages/cultural beliefs etc.. As the distance grows differences grow.
I can’t differentiate between Gujarati/Hindi/Urdu/marathi etc.. the same way as probably a common North Indian can not differentiate between Tamil/Malyalam/Kannada/Telugu..
It is the same case with smells. I used to wonder why my ‘vegetarian buddies’ make a fuss about the lovely smell of ‘fish’ etc.. before I tried to eat ‘steak’ done ‘rare’..
It is all relative, folks.. :-))
Absolutely. It’s a strange sort of virtue to extol, but women have always borne the burden of “culture” and keeping it alive. The virtue of the culture and the virtue of women are somehow conflated – and very visably so with us desis, i think.
Onto the topic of Bengalis – I think it’s because East India really is its own cultural complex. Bengalis, Assamis, Oriyas have a lot more in common with each other than they would with someone from UP or the Punjab or from Tamil Nadu or Andhra.
To PMG, post #184: That workshop sounds like an incredible learning experience! Did only men participate, or were women involved as well? I had a very similar discussion years ago in college where we discussed Clarissa Pinkola Estes’ “Women Who Run With The Wolves” – essentially about the archetype of the Wild Woman, a woman in touch with her primitive side and able to rely on her gut feelings, instinct etc. to make decisions. Interestingly, someone pointed out in class that the concept of “wild woman” signals self-empowerment and self-awareness. Whereas if you were to apply the same idea to men, “Wild Man” immediately lends itself some sort of negative, violent connotation. At the end, the class concluded that strength and character, and how they play out in real life, really ought to transcend gender differences. Anyway, thanks for the link to the traveling seminar – looks fascinating, I’d definitely like to check it out!
(Also on a tangential note, you keep alluding to your unconventional career choice – what do you do?)
Wrt the whole “dating while desi” dilemma and the (internally-felt or externally-imposed) pressures to date and marry someone desi, a couple weeks ago, I found myself in a hookah lounge with a Somali girl and a Turkish girl (and for context, I’m S. Indian). (What is it about hookah lounges, electronica music, and inspired conversations?) Anyway, the three of us started talking about how hard it is to find someone we can relate with – our issues, our backgrounds, our languages, and yet regardless of how hard we found it, we wanted to date and marry within our communities (or at least our nationalities). We were all raised very conservative although as soon as we hit later years in HS and subsequently, college, we bloomed and started exploring (in the romantic sense, so to speak). It is astounding to me that three girls with very different cultural backgrounds should harbor the same expectations for themselves. Maybe it has nothing to do with being desi, being Somali, being Turkish…and everything to do with the values and principles we hold dear and would like to sustain. And we convince ourselves that only a fellow South Indian, a fellow Somali, a fellow Turkish guy would understand these values, principles, and to a large extent, the baggage that accompanies them. We never came to any real practical conclusion, and just sat there musing in our own thoughts with the hookah smoke wafting around us, but I’ve been thinking about it ever since: ethnicity doesn’t guarantee similar values, principles, and expectations. I’m probably better off looking for a similar world-view, rather than a similar skin color and place of birth…but who knows?
Agreed! As a fellow Tamilian, I’ve definitely refered to anyone north of the four southern states as “North Indian.” How un-PC of me. 🙂
Regarding the North-South divide and general stereotypes about us South Indians, I think Bollywood has a lot to do with it. South Indian characters in mainstream Hindi movies are such caricatures that perpetuate the stereotypes that South Indians can’t speak Hindi properly, are so overtly religious, are so crude etc. Seriously makes me mad. Argh.
I know lots of people who have had North/South or inter-caste marriages and they faced strong opposition from both families, just as much as the opposition I’ve seen to bi-racial marriages.
I’d say 80% of my family members-cousins-have had “intercaste” and/or inter-regional marriages. I suspect that when one family member does, and the rest see that the sky doesn’t fall and that it is indeed possible to be happy, productive and functional with someone not of your subcaste or region, then things become easier for everyone else. I think this is also an observable trend in urban India as well.
Today so many of us – male or female, regardless of where we were born and raised – have the luxury or privelege of questioning our place in society and asserting it without even realizing it.
Sure, this is one of the blessings of modernity. But at the end of the day, most people will not choose far from familial ideals. As for other ideals – being gender progressive, alterno-desi, and what have you – I would imagine that one could totally respect, indeed revere such a person but be completely bored when things went beyond politics. There is some truth to the idea that opposites attract, and when you find the right person, you tend to surprise yourself by what you put with, and how all of your criteria mattered so little in the end.
I’ve been fighting a low-grade war for the last three years with a Malayalee friend of mine who absolutely insists that Bengal is in North India. I will have to force her to read this thread. Victory is mine, at last!!!
Regarding the North-South divide and general stereotypes about us South Indians, I think Bollywood has a lot to do with it. South Indian characters in mainstream Hindi movies are such caricatures that perpetuate the stereotypes that South Indians can’t speak Hindi properly, are so overtly religious, are so crude etc. Seriously makes me mad. Argh.
I have heard about that, never really watched many Hindi movies.. The request that south indians need to speak Hindi itself is not legitimate so we can ignore that..
I’ve been fighting a low-grade war for the last three years with a Malayalee friend of mine who absolutely insists that Bengal is in North India. I will have to force her to read this thread. Victory is mine, at last!!!
I’m afraid she’s logically right.. Bengal is geographically in the northern (and eastern) region compared to where Kerala is. You can’t declare victory.. 🙂
I’ll ask my friends and let you know of some funny generalizations about Bengalis.
I have heard the Bengalis being mocked for :
I dont really understand why the above is either mockable or even funny at any level. Atleast not anymore funny than mocking people for eating rotee/naans or butter chicken.
I think the Bangladeshis especially are mercilessly mocked for their Bengaliness by North Indian Muslims and Pakistanis both in North America and from what I hear in the Gulf sheikhdoms as well. Pretty pathetic.
another tangent. anyone else observe that turkish fob women think remarkably similar to desis? not sure abt men (not enough around—ok, maybe there are, and i don’t know). but every such woman i have seen could have effectively been indian.
re: the north/south divide. there are several stereotypes everywhere—northies have them as well as southies. what amuses me is that people see these stereotypes as more correct than the person in front of them. as an eg, many non-desis do it—they have ridiculous caricature stereotypes of desis, and if you don’t fit, some have the gall to rationalize “oh you are different, you don’t know”. come on!! i think some abd’s you refer to on this thread who are on the bad side of the north/south bigotry are similar too.
i am south indian, and for the large part no northie has made fun of me in a malicious way. in particular, if anything, no matter what else be their faults, UP-types tend to be fairly inclusive in my opinion. strangely, i never encountered too many punjabis till i came to the US. here if you are a fob, you don’t run down another for no reason—so no sweat with punjabis either.
but i don’t know abt dynamics in abd cliques, i grew up in india (half a dozen places). i have heard mumbai (of all cities) used to be very bigoted in the north/south issue thanks to shiv sena—but the north/south has been superceded by hindu/muslim as the flavor of the times now. but bollywood i agree has been especially unkind to south indians–part of the reason may be the observation i brought up just now.
The whole thing about South Indian food allegedly being ‘smelly’ is beyond stupid. All Indian food has very strong flavors and to the uninitiated they will indeed ‘smell’ for the first few times that they have it.
I have always been careful about Indian food not stinking up my neighborhood and have always taken precautions to respect the nasal sensibilities of my neighbors. Lately I have turned all native and I now make my baddest butter chicken (recipe from a pimped out truck stop dhaba on the delhi-punjab highway) with my kitchen windows open so that I can enjoy the nice cool breeze. The neigbors are of course free to move.
ah, the smell issue. in my university apt complex, my neighbors (i used to get along with them very well) usually usually thought that the food factory in my house, when it existed, used to smell good. when i moved out of the university complex, i never got applauded like this, except when i subleted rooms in houses (desi or not). you can read in to this what you like. my theory–if ppl like you or respect you, they don’t complain. if they don’t, they complain. smelly food complaints are (not always, but often) the effect of dislike, not the cause.
I think many of the ‘stereotypes’ are because of historical reasons both positive and negative..
I doubt if ‘light skin’ was treated as ‘superior’ before the dominance of Europeans/Arabs/Turks on all aspects (military / political / economic).
We could all be appreciating the ‘superiority’ of having black skin, if someone from Africa invented rockets/thermonuclear weapons and the ‘black’ africans kicked rest of the people under their domination..
Mocking of ‘Bengalis’ by NorthIndian Muslims/ Pakistanis, could be because of recent history of Mughal/Pakistani rule over Bengal/East pakistan..
And we convince ourselves that only a fellow South Indian, a fellow Somali, a fellow Turkish guy would understand these values, principles, and to a large extent, the baggage that accompanies them.
The above does hold some validity. When we are young and in love, the inter racial differences dont matter as much. But once you get married and have kids, the differences invariably will make a comeback in one form or the other. One can be as removed from your culture as possible, but who is to say that a decade later the completely secular/agnostic/atheist desi husband/wife will not turn all religious or your completely irreligious white wife/husband will not have a mid-life religious awakening and rediscover her parent’s Baptist faith.
I also think the relationship most desis have with their parents is too complicated/convoluted for an average Non-desi to understand. Also as the parents get older and we start having our own children, we feel a lot different and maybe even more compliant in pandering to our parents unreasonable obligations than we did when we were 22 and rebellious.
I am not suggesting that people should not enter into an inter racial relationship. I have one and I wont change it for anything. I do however feel that there is a world of difference between dating a non desi and actually marrying one.
The North-South divide is nothing to be worried about. People usually don’t use these generalizations in real life. Its only a matter of pulling someones leg…nothign serious (atleast for the younger generation). I lived in a hostel for 4 years (in India) and we had a thorough mix of North, South, East and West. There was absolutely no friction. Now that Bangalore, Hyderabad, Pune etc (IT hubs) are flooded with “bhaiyyas” from UP and Delhi, the divide is being further diluted.
Aside: I’m a pure “bhaiyya” from UP 🙂
If youÂ’re going to use big words please at least spell them correctly so I have an easier time looking them up!
this is absolutely the best thread ever! i’m so mad that i missed out on the bulk of the debate, but just to read things that i’ve actually thought is the biggest relief. another reason why i love the mutiny!
my mother has told me that she has come to terms with the fact that i won’t marry a brown guy. this is funny, because i am attracted to them and i definitely am open to a relationship with a brown guy; but no word of a lie, they aren’t into me. the ONE exception who was into me was an ‘alterna-desi’ (cute! i love it!) himself, but we just never pursued a relationship. and i’m in toronto where there is no dearth of browns, believe that! i can chalk it up to my interests but in the end, and its sad, but i chalk it up to the physical. almost all brown guys i know go for the most beautiful girl they can find, and i know i’m cute in my own way, but the pattern of the brown boys around me shows a penchant for the conventional rather than the unconventional. in the end, i find myself dating guys who appreciate me for who i am.
as an aside, the last guy i dated i thougth i was going to marry. he wasn’t desi, and he wasn’t white. although he had questions about my culture, he completely respected it. he held me while i cried over my ‘brown person guilt’ due to the fact that i was so serious about him. he understood why i couldn’t bring him home just yet, but he also knew that i loved him fiercely and would fight to be with him when the time was right. he wasn’t just an outside observer into my indian-ness, he was an active participant in the preservation and cultivation of it and that played an important role in me realizing his ‘potential’ as a spouse. it ended for reasons other than our cultural/racial differences, but that relationship played a big role in breaking me out of that cycle of guilt i felt over doing things that felt right to me but were seen as ‘wrong’ to my parents/the community. this doesn’t mean i do whatever i want and generally rebel, despite what my parents think. it means that i make a mature decision using common sense, to decide what’s best for me as a person, for my future, for what i want to accomplish as an individual in this life. certain things may hurt them, but as parents i believe they want what’s best for me.
there have been a lot of good points made so far that i want to discuss but this thread has reached epic proportions! carry on y’all…i love it!
dhaavak, add anupa to our future toronto meet-up! 🙂
metric: woohoo! who needs the SAA (SASA for the americans) when you can say you’re a mutineer instead!
Re: “…almost all brown guys i know go for the most beautiful girl they can find, and i know i’m cute in my own way, but the pattern of the brown boys around me shows a penchant for the conventional rather than the unconventional…”
Hmmmm. So even if you look brown but your interests are not traditionally brown, the family might not be so into it? Then again, if you don’t look conventionally brown, the brown guys might not be so into it?
Wow, I can’t believe I completely missed this thread! It’s awesome.
I love the term ‘alterna-desi’ too. And I guess I’d count myself as an ‘IBCD’, not ABCD enough for an ABCD, not FOB enough for a FOB 😀
I am 27, came to the US as a Comp Sci grad student, a very ‘fobby’ and nerdy type at that, at 22, started dating only a couple of years ago, so everything for me is ‘belated’. I am currently in my phase of being attracted to ‘alternative’ and ‘cool’ types: Asian music prodigies, white feminist liberals, black athletes and so on. Lovin it so far.
My parents and I have a ‘Don’t ask don’t tell’ policy going on. they know I date, and we agree that we wouldn’t talk about the specifics unless I am ‘serious’ with a particular girl, which hasn’t happened yet.
I sometimes dread to think what happens once I get out of school, though. The marriage pressure will start. But I like to think I’ll handle it well enough.
i don’t know if i’m getting what you mean exactly when you’re asking me this-mental block, i’ve got a paper due tommorow!
but i’ll try and clarify what i meant. i don’t even think i’m talking about looking conventionally “brown”, i’m talking about looking conventionally beautiful. perhaps i’m trying to say, and i realize this is a huge generalization, but most brown guys i know go for the physical rather than the substance. once again i can testify from personal experience only.
when it comes to the family, i think that your interest in music, art, film, etc are irrelevant to a family as long as you’ve got good character, and your interests don’t significantly impact your lifestyle to a point where its “unacceptable”. i.e. indie princess may love her some indie rock but as long as she’s not in an indie band, her brown in-laws won’t really give a damn!
hopefully that makes sense! the hard part in this thread is the generalizations that we all make and come to because of our individual experiences.
ic, thanks for the clarification!
I agree w/you that it can only come out of our individial experiences. I am attracted to all flavors of men=), but I used to think brown men in particular. But when I think about, the only real benefit I could find was superficial things like making fun of our parents and uncles and aunties together. I think the only person who you’re with is someone you connect with and appreciates your culture, no matter the culture they themselves are from. Okay, that’s a mushy Gandhi-like speech, but oh well.
pulls sharpie out.
paper.. no paper…
pulls sleeve up and exposes wrist
writing
add anupa..t-o … the … list…
DONE.
thinks…
does this thing come off, and why is the skin puffing up and getting scratchy.
great post anupa btw, thanks for sharing – any relation to the great rohinton btw? 🙂
this would be all so logical if you used something like Venn diagrams. Did anyone else catch ‘banana boys’ when it came to town – it had a hilarious exposition on interracial dating and why banana boys are the lone little circle in the corner by themselves 🙂
Can someone define “alterna-desi” for me 🙂
To echo Anupa… 🙂
I see this with my own guy friends. They’ll walk into a room and beline straight for the one “hottest” unreachable girl in the room who isn’t even remotely interested in them. The rest of the average chicks get ignored. Nevermind that my boys aren’t exactly “hot” themselves!!!
If youÂ’re going to use big words please at least spell them correctly so I have an easier time looking them up!
Sorry, what? I was looking up your 7+-letter words like “looking” and “correctly” 🙂 Here’s another one you should look up (and I’m just teasing, man): “unresponsive”
hahaha! carrying sharpies around but no paper? i hope you’re not defacing public property now!
ooh the amount of times i get asked that question! no, no relation. he’s from mumbai, and parsi i believe. we’re from the left coast-straight guju (via africa and the uk that is).
Re: “…They’ll walk into a room and beline straight for the one “hottest” unreachable girl in the room who isn’t even remotely interested in them. The rest of the average chicks get ignored. Nevermind that my boys aren’t exactly “hot” themselves!!! “
Haha. I think that’s a universal male trait.
hence the disclaimer about generalizations…ahh and we come full circle again!
hey jane no worries; its so much more rewarding to find that man who loves you from your split ends to your stubby toes.
i can chalk it up to my interests but in the end, and its sad, but i chalk it up to the physical. almost all brown guys i know go for the most beautiful girl they can find, and i know i’m cute in my own way, but the pattern of the brown boys around me shows a penchant for the conventional rather than the unconventional. in the end, i find myself dating guys who appreciate me for who i am not dating!
And white guys dont line up for the ‘prettiest’ girl?
In reference to 239, 242 — I think a lot of guys do that, but in all reality, I think its because if your going to get blown off by some girl, she might as well hot, at least that way you can rationalize that she was out of your league. Maybe its a NYC thing, but I find both girls AND guys have massive attitudes… its like relax, I just want to talk and not trying to get into your pants.
kids who are defined by their desi parents and most at risk to conform in their middle ages with a brown non-wrinkle suit, poofy hair and professional dog-walkers.
ze grand paradox. Niedzivicki puts it best in his book, “Hello, I’m special”.
… but to rebel against the rebellion and to become so square my edges ache.
see also an earlier post on why there’s no difference between the oil patch and the sierra club.
That’s it I’m moving to North Dakota! 😉
If you see someone wearing this red and white T-shirt, they’re definitely not one 😉
I hear ya, brother, I hear ya. Or the ABD girl who would walk into my lab at grad school, say hi to everyone individually and leave me and my Bangladeshi colleague out. Now that I’ve worked off my FOBBY accent and mannerisms, you bet I don’t have time for that kinda sh*t.
i still use fobbishness to weed out phonies :). useful trick up your sleeve, use it wisely.