I had recently gone to a Bengali family party, and was sitting on the floor talking to an older auntie type, when I noticed she had something gold in her nose. I asked her what it was, and with a little pull here and there, she pulled out a punk-rock style gold septum ring. A little shocking, since as a desi girl I was more familiar with the more traditional nose piercings, but not the septum style. She continued by telling the story of how she got it as a girl, and and how the piercing was supposed to bring shanti on her husband- basically (what I garnered from my poor Bengali) anytime she exhaled, she would be bringing good luck on her mate.
Nose piercing was first recorded in the Middle East approximately 4,000 years ago… Nose piercing was bought to India in the 16th Century from the Middle East by the Moghul emperors. In India a stud (Phul) or a ring (Nath) is usually worn in the left nostril, It is sometimes joined to the ear by a chain, and in some places both nostrils are pierced. The left side is the most common to be pierced in India, because that is the spot associated in Ayuvedra (Indian medicine) with the female reproductive organs, the piercing is supposed to make childbirth easier and lessen period pain.[link]
The septum piercing that this auntie had is the second most popular piercing next to ear-piercings and even more popular than the traditional nose piercings.
The piercing is also popular in India, Nepal, and Tibet, a pendant “Bulak” is worn, and some examples are so large as to prevent the person being able to eat, the jewellery has to be lifted up during meals. In Rajasthan in Himachal Pradesh these Bulak are particularly elaborate, and extremely large.[link]
See mom, body piercings are a part of our culture! That line of reasoning didn’t quite fly as well when I presented it to her after I got mine. I personally opted for the chin-piercing better known as the labret back when I turned 22.
The term “labret” is Latin in origin, from labrum meaning “lip” and is pronounced “lah-bret.” It is the modern, umbrella term for all piercings around the opening of the mouth. [link]Until the late 19th century, the Eskimo of Alaska defined social status among groups by lip piercing. Eskimo women usually wore only one central lip-plug as decoration; however, the highborn Tlingit girls wore a labret to indicate their noble social status.[link]
I was scared of my folks and was able to keep it a secret from them for six months- that is until I had to fly back to see them for their wedding anniversary. Surprisingly, they didn’t say anything much about it, and I think after 3 years my dad still hasn’t noticed it. There was an added benefit to it as well- once the aunties and uncles saw that piece of metal on my chin, suddenly the comments from them of “There’s a nice engineering boy in Oklahoma that’s looking to get married,” came to a sudden stop.
I don’t even notice it anymore but one of my favorite stories is when I was in Ahmedabad, Gujarat volunteering at Manav Sadhna playing with with the children from the local slum who were there for Saturday school.
A group of girls ages 7 and under ran up to us. After smiling, this one girl, obviously the leader in the group with long light hair in a green outfit, points to my chin piercing. She whispers amongst her girls looking at it. “doesn’t it hurt?” she asks in Hindi. I point back at her nose, which has a piercing (though not jewels, but a stick to keep the hole open) and ask her in English, “doesn’t it hurt?” She giggles, and starts conspiring with her friends. She grabs my hand and we go running through the grounds…
Who would have known that a simple piercing could serve to create that kind of a connection? Ok, ok, I promise I’ll take it out. That is, when I grow up.
Aww..what a sweet story! I liked the post…very interesting..now I want to get a nose ring.
Here is the kick ass nose ring. First time i saw it in a friend’s parents wedding album. Thought this was freakiest thing ever. His mom had even bigger nose ring on. Btw this is from the Kumaon region of India. http://nainital.nic.in/images/bride1.jpg
Desis with chin piercings? Now that’s rocking!
The UPenn link Taz excerpted from also states the following (when you scroll down to the bottom of the page):
Does anyone know anything more about this? I pierced my nose three years ago, not because I felt particularly close to desi culture, but simply because I wanted a nose piercing. Besides, the “it’s part of our culture!” argument didn’t fly too well with my disapproving father anyway, since he had always maintained that “only cows/bulls get their noses pierced” (he grew up in a village in Pakistan, where most of the women had nose piercings, too, so I don’t know what crack he was on).
Most of the women I know have pierced the left side of their noses (their left; the right side if you’re facing them). I deliberately pierced my right side, just to be different, which resulted in a lot of unasked for “You were supposed to pierce the other side!” commentary. Freakin’ hell, yaar, leave me alone.
So is there really any significance in the right versus left sides piercings?
So is there really any significance in the right versus left sides piercings?
In the South it’s usually on the right side and for some people (or castes?) its an indicator of marital status… I’ve also heard the left side has something to do with an ayurvedic principle regarding childbirth and menstruation, it’s supposed to moderate the pain.
Aaah, a topic close to my heart. I too got a labret piercing my second year of university and the first time I went home with it my mother’s reaction was a mournful sigh as she said “Yeah. You’re so punk” (I don’t think she knows exactly what that means, but it made me grin). My dad noticed it about a week later and said he thought it was kind of ugly. End of discussion.
I went to India the following summer I went to India and I too was a little apprehensive about the reaction. Most people didn’t say anything although occasionally someone will stop me in the street and enquire with genuine concern “Didn’t that hurt?”. Which sometimes happens to me here in ultra liberal Frenchville too… The only time I’ve ever gotten a real reaction was from the very butch security guard who was patting me down on that curtained platform thing at Delhi airport. “Does your mother know?” she barked. “Uh, yeah – she’s right over there.” “Well, does she know that no one will marry you?” “Sssh, don’t tell her.”
After having this piercing for close to six years now, sometimes I get tired of it and I’ll take it out. My mother seems to have grown quite fond of it, oddly enough and will say things like “No no, you’ve paid so much for it, na – just keep it in.” Alternately she’ll say “Well I know if you take it out you’ll go get one of those ugly nose piercings [it is a secret fantasy of mine and she knows it]. Hindu Bengali girls do NOT get thier noses pierced.” Um, they don’t get thier bottom lips pierced either, but as long as people don’t mistake me for some OTHER kind of brown, apperently we’re okay… [And to all you Hindu Bengali women who do have your noses pierced – yes my mother is sometimes on the crack. It comes with the territory :)]
“Well, does she know that no one will marry you?” “Sssh, don’t tell her.”
If I knew any desi girls who were as iconoclastic as that, I’d be all over them. (erm.. and run away squealing as I get kicked between the legs)
Do super orthodox Muslims have any kind of ban on piercing the body like Orthodox Jews do? Sikhs?
browfrown, wtf – a typo in my own handle… smooth. Anil – hug an iconoclast today – the worst that might happen is you might get accidentally stabbed by a very sharp labret piercing 🙂
“Anil – hug an iconoclast today – the worst that might happen is you might get accidentally stabbed by a very sharp labret piercing 🙂“
I love anyone who does not feel compelled to bend their way of life to fit the accepted standards of society. I don’t mean that one should go wacko-wild, but running all your actions through the sieve of social conformity is a big turnoff. I think of it as a waste of life and intelligence.
Who ever wrote that is misinformed or spreading lies. If its mentioned in ayurveda then its older than moghuls I have seen nose pearcing in north indian pre islamic art. So even if it came from middle east it came prior to that.
wait, you are 22? :o-)
is there some significance in which ear a guy wears his rings? i remember, when i got a piercing in my left year -this was in the 80’s- some people thought i was gay. of course, it didnt matter to me & i loved shocking such people anyway & ended up having 4 piercings on my left year.
Saheli,
Technically, Sikhs are not supposed to pierce any part of their body as (in religious terms) it is regarded as mutilating the body, although of course “in real life” getting one’s ears and (often) nose pierced is a widespread practice amongst Sikh women.
My cousin (tall, fair, gorgeous) wore a clip-on (slide-on?) nose-ring to a family event just to shock the aunties. It worked. (“Child, how will anyone marry you?”) Oddly enough, (has anyone else had this reaction?) I don’t read nose rings in pretty well anyone as shocking. Maybe it’s my mixie nature, but it maps to the part of my brain that is desi, and I don’t notice it. I remember people commenting on the fact that my girlfriend had a nose-ring, and wasn’t that outrageous? I hadn’t really noticed, I just thought it was a nice, subtle piercing, suitable for a nice girl. Funny thing is, I find tatoos outrageous and a little déclassé. Maybe I’m slowly turning into a senile ranting uncle.
I’m sorry, that was a really lousy attempt to turn my handle goth-ish. Well, I make a weird-lookin’ goth, anyway.
Psybabou,
From what I remember, it was supposedly the right ear which indicated that the guy was gay. It was the norm for “rebellious” guys to have their left ear pierced (but not their right ear) when such things were fashionable here in the UK (80s/early 90s). Yes that includes lots of South Asians here too.
Cool article. It’s funny how the perception of piercings and tatoos has changed in India. My grandmother (we are Maharashtrian) had several piercings including many in her ear in non lobe areas and a whole ton of tatoos. They were beautiful and dark blue in color and she got almost all of them at village fares when she was a young bride. They were intricate patterns with her children’s names in them. The only grandchild that made it on her hand was the first boy of her 24 grandkids. Yet no one ever seemed to notice them. I wish I had taken pictures of them before she died but I never thought of it. Though using the piercings and tats years later as justification for mine never worked with my dad. When I got my second set of ear piercings he had a cow. He failed to notice (I call giving up) all the rest that followed. My mother on the other hand seems tolerant as long as I don’t get anything inked or pierced where any “potential future mother in law” might see! Oye vye!!
My granny has a few tattoos and more than a few piercings. Hailing from Rajasthan that’s quite a non issue. When bro and I decided to get tattoos however it was a completely different scene. Mum threatened to throw us out if we got any.chuckle Ironically,both of us moved away to college soon after. No piercings/tattoos on either of us yet.
I meant to say village fairs (street fairs)
I got my second set of ear piercings when my dad was out of the country. To add an extra line of defence, I went to his best friend’s shop. My mom was completely scared and fate fixed it. She had a car accident before he came so on his return, they had worse things to consider then my piercings. So lucky!
By the time I got my tattoo and pierced an ear cartilage, my parents were over being shocked. My kid brother went ahead and pierced himself and got a giant tattoo in a very prominent place. JOAT, my mom was like you too. ‘When you get the tattoo, make sure that you can still wear a saree without it being shown’.
i got my nose pierced and luckily my mom came with me for that and was surprisingly supportive. but i revealed my tattoo (which i got specifically to be visible while wearing a sari) at a wedding with all the family around. i did it to incite some sort of reaction and needless to say i accomplished what i had set out to! and i too was chastised for now being un-marriagable which as others have said is fine by me.
nice thread. to me it speaks more to the need to assert one’s individuality by going against the grain – rather than the act of piercing itself – that being said…
of course, if you consider the indic collective to be yo’ culchur, the practices of the naga sadhoos come to mind. I wanted to get you some pix, and was trying to subvert the filter on my computer… i successfully did so by doing a google image search on “piercing” and “urethra” (NSFW)… i learned there’s more to it than i conceived … and I shall never look at Prince albert as just the royal consort any more… it also put the following line in a different light. As they say, mothers know best. 😉
conformity in the diaspora can get pretty tremendous. it seems like its always tied into marriage too. i’m all for desi pride but honestly i think part of it is we let ourselves be convinced that unless we marry another desi, we really might be SOL or something. if you think about it, why does it have to be that in the end so many of us feel that all things considered we’d like to marry brown, especially when in other spheres of our lives its not that important to be exclusive. i bet a lot of us have gotten to the point where we’d like to marry brown just because it would cause too much drama not to. why can’t our parents just get over it? what’s the reason for their fears? why its so important for them that by bringing home someone who is not desi, you might make your family sad. not even that people might prefer a desi partner, there’s many good reasons to want to be with a desi partner. but the pressure from outside thay gets internalized can limit and conform. makes me wanna holler
my great-grandmother who was malayalee orthodox christian had multiple tattoos. she was also vegetarian, i dontif that has any significance, but just throwing that out there. don’t all of the dancers in the hindi videos have multiple piercings, including belly-button (so cute), cartilage, etc.
I have had a similar reaction but there was no mention of it affecting my marriage (at least in terms of a clip-on nose ring). Funny thing about it is that i wear an ear cuff and THAT all the aunties love but, when they thought I pierced my nose it was “Beta! What did you do to your face!“
The comments to this article have gone in many different directions but come on – we all know what it is. When piercings were sought out as a cultural thing it was accepted. But our parents aren’t idiots. They know that most (I’m not trying to start an argument as to why you pierced your nose) piercings are as a result of a minor rebellion or to follow a fad so of course they aren’t going to support it.
As far as marriage and why our parents favor marrying within our own culture… preservation of culture and religion. Right or wrong… that’s all it is. They grew up immersed in South Asian/desi traditions, superstitions, religion, language, culture all they see in their current lives is a dissolution of everything they once knew.
my mom and i are going to get nose rings .. she used to have one (during her wedding), and we want to go do a mother and daughter bonding moment… this article is inspiring me to get it sooner rather than later… 😉
ss,
that seems like a likely explanation, but on the other hand, its almost cognitive dissonance. our parents moved here in some cases decades ago. a lot of them have integrated themselves to a great extent into this society. to the point where when we go through a brown pride stage, its our parents encouraging us to move closer to the mainstream. isn’t it to have been expected that some of us would take it to heart that we shouldn’t judge based on ethnicity.
and any how, what does skin color have to do with religion or even culture? its not like many of us are cultural savants. a knowledge of saif ali khan does not a culture make. its even specious to say there’s such a thing as “indian family values”. how many people from iowa do you know who love their grandparents? lots probably.
not to bemoan people who met and marry desis, but its almost like if you don’t end up marrying doctor sahib/sahiba whose parents are from the same region as us beti….you missed out on the desi marriage lottery. thats bogus and i think its caused too much unneccessary hurt. i used to just laugh when the marriage pressure was being given especially to female acquitances/friends. but now i realize its a lot more serious than just something silly that happens at parties. a large part of that is because the whole system also penalizes desi men who don’t want to participate in the process
not to say its all bad, i’m sure it works for a lot of people. but for those people who it is not right for, there should be another avenue besides the sturm and drang that gets caused by most situations where you’re not the kind of person for whom that fits
My second ear piercings were a non-issue. And from what I’ve seen, nose piercings are a non-issue as well. However tattoos are a big no no. A lot of my gujurati girlfriends have nose piercings and it seems to be very common so I think it’s a non-issue with them too.
I understand what you’re saying, but there’s something to be said for that comfortable understanding where you can profess your love for saif and then not have to explain the Bollywood industry and the complex love/hate relationship you have with Bollywood and how you listen to the music or watch the movies when you’re feeling homesick even though the movies are nothing like your family. Of course not all desi first-genners (by that I mean born here to parents who came here) are on the same wavelength on all these things, but it’s just nice meeting someone who was raised generally the same way you were raised, understands the “auntie/uncle” thing and your selective diet. I think it’s the same reason Jews marry other Jews, wherever in the world they are. There’s just an understanding there.
I think the whole “what will mummy/papa say” is a separate issue. Everyone should be free to be with whom they love, but I just wanted to make clear that there’s more than just not wnanting to displease the p-units when it comes to finding a partner.
i totally agree with that and also feel that is true. i was speaking more to the other aspect which is the parental/society pressure, which results in people not trying things out, like maybe piercings because they think they might be alienated from the community.
i think its really good to have desi pride, even if its saif ali or soha ali khan that you’re vibing on. but there’s some times when the fear of “what will desi people think” gets in the way of being who we are, and to me, the marriage pressure is a big way that gets put into play.
yeah…i had my ears done when i was a kid…but nowadays, no more peircings, no tatoos…only stuff that goes on i stuff that can be removed painlessly. plus, i have enough pain, don’t need to inflict more.
I remember my father (bengali) nearly having a conniption back in the day, pre dum maro dum, when my cousin wanted to get the regular corner-of-nostril piercing done — he said she’s look like a rajasthani jamadarni. anyhow, it’s american too– think of the nez percé, who sometimes wore a dentilium shell on the transverse in the septum …
btw, i poste about the two auctions in nyc last week at: http://zadeblog.blogspot.com/2006/04/contemporary-indian-masters-at-auction_01.html
typos– sorry! he said she’d look like a jamadarni, and i posted about two auctions….I’m someone’s auntie, actually, and can’t see without glasses any more, but i’m trying…
Sahej, I agree and have to add that this fear has more casualties then piercings or changing your hair color etc. However, if you really have the will, then a way always comes up. Right?
Sahej,
I think you are underestimating and not giving enough credit to the second generation. It isn’t always about pleasing parents (which by the way I find an absolutely valid reason in itself) but perhaps our own pull towards our culture. After running away from it for decades I find I have come a full circle. My parents always were open to me ending up with a non Indian (as long as the person was educated and made decent dough) but after all these years I think that the right person for me would after all be someone Indian. I think many many of us second generation desis aren’t brown externally but when it comes to family, our homes, our foods, the way we live our lives and the way we see ourselves in the future it is very much about being brown.
As for drama come on, we are desi, we love drama and no one can handle it better then us 🙂
Hey thanks Jai.
I’m actually a big fan of earcuffs, though I’ve lost all mine and need to get new ones. No piercing, so they’re not rebellious, but I think they look kinda cool.
since we are talking about piercings, i thought i would put in my two cents…
i got my ears pierced when i was eight WEEKS old. yes, weeks. for whatever reason, in my culture (konkani), every girl child gets their ears pierced when they are toddlers/babies (or so I am told). since then, my mom has been on my case about wearing earrings. she absolutely hates it when i am not wearing them. then i got my second set and third set of holes in the ear lobes. not a problem with rents.
in high school (11 years ago), i wanted to get my nose pierced (mom has one). got it done with mom and best friend in the salon. again, not a problem. i think a large part of why my parents have been chill with piercings and tatoos has been due to the cultural norms. they didn’t find my piercings as being rebellious, but rather promoting my culture. however, if i had followed taz’s footsteps and gotten a piercing in a place not commonly associated with culture OR bollywood (cause they are cool with belly rings), then i think i would have started a war to end all wars.
luv the post 😉 n “piercings are sacred pain “
I think it’s common amongst many other Indian communities too, including North Indians. My parents always find that episode of Friends amusing — the one where Rachel’s sister gets Emma’s (Rachel & Ross’s baby) ears pierced when babysitting her, and Rachel subsequently goes nuts over it — considering it’s a fairly normal practice amongst many Indians 😉
Browngrlnwhite,
Yes, but that’s more to do with the current Western fashion influence (and the prevalence of such piercings, tattoos etc in Western music videos) rather than a result of Indian traditions in this matter.
Sez brownfrown
LOL – my dad uses the word punk in the same (incorrect) way.
Regarding Hindu Bengali women not wearing nose rings – my mom refused to wear even the false ornamental one, even at her wedding – the ring with the chain attachment leading to the hair – she didn’t want to look or feel like a cow).
I’ve seen some women of my grandmother’s generation wearing them, but not too many from my mother’s, or mine…which is funny, because other than the dot question and the arranged marriage question, all I was asked during my teen years was “why don’t you have a nose ring?”
😛
sez taz:
This makes me laugh, because the “nice engineering boys” I knew of while in college in Oklahoma seemed to be more interested in looking for p0rn. Out in public view, on the university’s computer network. And more interested in scoring a one-night stand (I believe the common euphemism used was “having coffee”).
Idiots. It was easier to blame their lack of dates on the coconutishness of American desi girls than their own lack of…tact, at the very least.
(Don’t get me wrong, there were some nice ones, but they were usually taken.)
I wonder if your aunties and uncles knew? Or whether the matchup, as long as he’s Hindu-Bengali-bongsho bhaalo engineer-doctor-lawyer tall-fair doesn’t smoke or drink…stops for breath…or at least the appearance of such, would be enough.
Ha! That reminds me of my mom. A lot of guju women of her generation had their noses pierced but she didn’t. One of the symbols of marital bliss included a nose ring. When she got one in her bridal presents, she promptly created a replica and used both the tiny hoops as earrings for me when I was born. I got my ears pierced when I was about 3 months old. To be honest, I find un pierced ears in a woman strange. Talk about cultural tuning…
when I got my nose piercing, my dad reffered to it as FNM. Female Nasal Mutilation…
hey taz, Couldn’t find an email address or contact for you…..so i’m forced to go public with this…hehehehe..
but just want to say its nice to see a former Manav Sadhna volunteer kicking around. I was with MS last summer, where I handled the malaria project….. its such a magical place, the Sabarmati Ashram, and everyone who walked through those doors had something to teach you. There were a bunch of us actually, couple of people from Indicorps as well- an ubelievable experience. I know there was a posting recently about development and the idea of 2nd generation Indo-Canadians/Americans going back……..just haven’t had the time to post. But saw some interesting viewpoints never-the-less.
Were you part of the crew that met up in San Fransisco last summer? I’ve kept in touch with some of the other volunteers, so maybe we’ll get a chance to hook-up and reminisce….
cheers.
ooo I was always under the impression that Indian girls had to get your nose pierced when they get married. South Indian girls do. My mum thought she was being rebellious when she refused to pierce hers. haha
er, not everything in the South is about caste. Its got something to do with your horoscope as I last heard. Which is why my mum got upset, because I didn’t consult which side of the nose is better. When i pierced my nose, all my non indian friends thought it was super cool. The rest of the family thought I was signalling my readiness to get married. 😛 and my mother was railing about how it will affect my stars. haha
My parents would flip if they found out if i had a tattoo. even though it is a óm. somehow, i do not think it would endear them to it 😉
JOAT,
yeah i was not speaking to people who’d prefer other desis as partners. this is mostly i suppose a late teens early 20’s drama when people are not sure, but it does continue on later in life at times. it should be unncessary to have to plan the moment you’ll unveil a non-desi partner, but c’est la vie. i was just under the probably misguided impression that writing about it might somehow make it easier to buck the system. i don’t think i’m underestimating people who happen to want to be with a desi person, i’m sure they made a good decision, one with a lot of plusses to it.
This is a topic close to my heart! I am a pierced, tattooed and colored hair Indian, and for YEARS I’ve been getting dirty looks from aunties and quicky-mart guys. First I had a 2nd row of ear piercings, then a 3rd, then an industrial and cartilage. Then I had my eyebrows and navel (which my skin rejected) and then a lip. My boyfriend who is the desiest white guy i know wanted me to look more indian and convinced me to remove the lip ring and get a nose ring. Naturally mom and grandma approve of this nice white boy who makes their daughter less “punk rock.” Tho I never understood why my great grandma had rows of piercings and no one cared…
Anyone got more dope on this? Someone once told me that in the ancient middle east, nose rings were used to drag women around with ropes, just like they do cattle. That’s what the purpose of the nose ring was. Funny how it’s turned into a symbol of rebellion.
Amit,
Nah, I wasn’t with the SF crew- I was literally in town volunteering with IndiCorps for the week and getting to know all the great groups in A’bad. It was seriously the best part about my trip to India. If I wasn’t needed to do work here in the US, I would have stayed longer (I was at MS only one day)…I like the way that Manav Sadhna is run- it’s good to see how “child labor is done right” when people bring in the why we need to have under 14 yr olds to work in Bangladesh debate up. I oddly get that debate a lot.
taz@saavy.org
Can someone please tell me what significance the piercing on the right side of the nose has? I keep reading about the left side, but I would like to know what meaning, if any, the right side has. Thanks!