Monthly Archives: February 2006

I’m Fofatlal, and don’t you forget it

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Hi there!

Fofatlal Popatlal, Esq., at your service

The folks at the Mutiny in their infinite wisdom have finally chosen a new permanent blogger. I was buffing Salman Rushdie’s cuticles the other day — oh yes, he’s quite the dandy, don’t let the jacket photo fool you — when up rolled a black Honda Civic with a metallic Ganesh on the dashboard. Two brown valets built like linebackers emerged and silently unveiled their cargo. Inside there was a hard-looking guy in a pink tutu and a flattop. Instead of a moll, this guy had fourteen. They crammed into the back seat, sitting on laps, alternating like checker squares, and my personal favorite, the layover. After the molls disembarked, the guy in the tutu put on a headlamp with high-lumen LEDs. All of us were agape. The guy in the tutu looked coolly at me, snapped his fingers and incanted these magic words: ‘O no you di’nt!’ Then the big boss, the molls and the linebackers squeezed in and rolled away.

Three days later a strange transformation came over me. From dawn to dusk I had an uncontrollable urge to spew my thoughts about everything: current events, movies, bowel movements. At first I jotted down my thoughts hurriedly in red and blue, but I soon realized that out of one pen flowed only truth and out of the other only lies. In desperation I downed a fifth of Black Label and passed out drooling on my laptop keyboard. When I awoke I found that I had been typing frantically in my sleep. It was all half-baked gibberish which posted itself on the Internets.

You know what happened next. The Mutineers knew I was a perfect fit. I could no longer fluff Salman’s combover between bouts of obsessive blogging, so he fired me over the phone from South America. Padma left him for me because I had bigger glasses and he was too self-effacing.

One day the earth opened up and swallowed her whole. It all came out in the investigation: the mole-men operating the mole-machines drilling the last big tunnel in New York. In a city of fury, the gods must be appeased. The last instant of her life was captured by a photojournalist who happened by, a stricken Medusa-haired goddess teetering on heels, the pavement rent behind her. That photograph is all I have, a sepia-tinted fame, a palimpsest of privacy, her final words my name:

F-f-f-fofatlal!
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Double baggin’ it

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Shiladitya Sengupta was on the subway in Boston when he saw someone selling balloons that contained smaller balloons inside them. If you’ve seen one of those things, you’ll know what a hideous racket they can make when some young swine with a sharp object gets close to them. But instead of exhibiting the normal adult human reflex of covering up both ears in anticipation, Shiladitya dug into his roots and exhibited the normal desi reflex: He started thinking about work.

Sengupta, luckily for us, was a postdoctoral associate at one of the biology labs at MIT, and was part of a team that was working on a treatment for cancer. The double balloon thing eventually led his team to develop something called nanocell cancer treatment.

The January edition of India New England carries a profile of Sengupta, who was one of the five desis on TR35 – the list of top young technology innovators last year.

Sengupta, an assistant professor for Harvard Medical School and MIT, came to the United States in 2001 after receiving his doctorate in pharmacology from the University of Cambridge in the United Kingdom. He is originally from New Delhi, India, and he earned his bachelor’s and master’s degrees at the All India Institute of Medical Sciences in New Delhi. Sengupta now lives in Waltham, Mass., with his wife, Shivani, who also teaches at MIT.

What Sengupta developed for cancer treatment stems from the idea of a balloon within a balloon. One balloon carries a drug to shut down the blood supply, and the second, smaller balloon carries a drug to kill the cancer. [Link]

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Today in 1819: Sir Raffles Finds Simha Pura

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Apparently as a result of all my negative memories of being stranded at Changi airport in 1989 while returning from my LAST trip to India, I stopped thinking critically about Singapore— there’s no other reason for why my etymology-lovin’ self didn’t think, “Sing-…Singh…lion” and “-pore…-pur…city”. When did I have my eureka moment? Today, as I glanced at Wiki’s main page, where under “Selected Anniversaries” I learned that today is the day that a British Knight (no, not the sneaker) founded Singapore. Symbol_crest.png

Sir Stamford Raffles, a man who went from London clerk of a certain trading company to Governor of Sumatra is the BK I mention:

In 1817 he was knighted by the prince regent. He came back to the island of Sumatra in 1818, and on 29 January 1819, he established a free-trade post at the southern tip of the Malay Peninsula — a site that became Singapore. This was an audacious move, against British policy not to offend the Dutch in a zone conceded to be a Dutch sphere of influence. In six weeks, several hundred traders appeared to take advantage of the no-tax policy, and Raffles gained retrospective approval from London.[wiki]
Raffles declared the foundation of what was to become modern Singapore on 6 February of that year, securing transfer of control of the island to the East India Company. He was also responsible for the Raffles Plan of Singapore. By the time he left the country in 1823, the city was on its way to become the largest port in the world. It continues to thrive as a low tax trading hub.[wiki]

Do tell “Everything-Is-From-India” Uncle that I was thinking about him today, would you please? 😉 Continue reading →

Desis in the NFL, Super Bowl edition (updated)

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Brandon Chillar

While Americans watch four hours of ads lightened up with a couple minutes of football, let’s take a look at the desis in the NFL. First up is Brandon Chillar, a St. Louis Rams linebacker whose parents are Indian and white:

After graduating from high school, he played college football in the Pac-10 for the University of California, Los Angeles, where he gained prominence on the Bruin defensive unit. After graduating from UCLA, he joined the Saint Louis Rams in 2004. Having a father, Ram Chillar, of Asian Indian descent, Chillar became one of the handful of Indian Americans or Asian Americans in the NFL. [Link]

Has a well-developed frame with good muscle definition… Also lettered in track, competing in the 100, 200 and triple jump. [Link]

The first thing he wants to buy for himself is a Cadillac Escalade… [Link]

Chillar is 6’3″ (190 cm), 253 lbs. (115 kg) and 23 years old. Before Chillar, there was Sanjay Rajiv Beach, a wide receiver whose parents are Indian and Jamaican:

Sanjay Beach… spent six years in the National Football League as a wide receiver for the San Francisco 49ers, Green Bay Packers, and New York Jets. He now is an investment banker with Dain Bosworth, Inc. in Denver. He and wife Kristy have a 3-year old daughter, Kalpana, and a 6-month old son, Makis. [Link – PDF]

Beach is 6’0″ (183 cm) with a playing weight of 189 lbs. (86 kg). He’s now 39.

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Coconut Express

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The Oriya coconut distribution network reminds me of the tiffinwallas of Bombay (via Boing Boing). It’s a marvel of Indian efficiency:

Smashing coconuts in Malaysia

Hold a coconut in your hand on a highway in Orissa and the next bus will surely stop to pick it up to take it to the temple… Even if the bus is on a different route, the driver will make sure to drop the coconuts in a collection box en route or pass them on to a bus headed for Ghatgaon…

They tell stories of bus drivers who failed to pick up coconuts from devotees and met with engine failures or accidents. “No one can refuse to carry a coconut,” says shop owner Rabindra Patnaik. The buses usually dump their coconuts in collection boxes across the state, from where other buses or devotees headed to the temple pick up them up on their final journey…

At the busy temple, priests take turns to break the coconuts in front of the deity. A few hundred coconuts find the place near the deity’s feet, and the rest of them are sold cheaply to local shop owners. This has spawned a local coconut-based sweets and oil industry. [Link]

Besides religion, desis spread at least two things efficiently: fresh food and hot gossip. It’s no surprise that desis are at the forefront of networking technology. Hey, Internet2? I fart in your general direction.

Billo’s bindi

The Auntie-ji Pre-Crime Network is so fast, it predicts things before they happen and never hesitates to tell you so.

The Coconut Express has also had a huge influence on the rock scene in India. The sad fate of the broken fruit inspired alt.rockers Smashing Coconuts, fronted by lead singer Billo Kurugan. Their hit single ‘Sharaab Rakh‘ was a seminal influence on a new genre called cocotechno, inspiring performers like the No-Sex-Before-Marriage Pistols, the Beejis, Bob Dhillon and Elvis Singh:

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How to befriend a vegetarian

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This anecdote about Google cofounder Sergey Brin is part of a startup PR launch, but it’s interesting. I wonder what the dare was. ‘I cook, you eat’ doesn’t sound like a very interesting bet:

The victim

[Anand] Rajaraman and Harinarayan were co-founders of Junglee, an early Web database company… In 1994, Rajaraman proudly told Brin he’d acquired a new computer with the latest version of Microsoft Windows. Brin… went over to Rajaraman’s apartment and installed Linux… on his computer…

Brin even took on Rajaraman’s practice of eating vegetarian, a family tradition. One evening, Brin went over to Rajaraman’s apartment, baked a fish in his oven, and served it to him with some lemon. Rajaraman ate it. [Link]

Tamarind once served me the lamb version of the paneer dish I ordered, two large, flat white squares. I downed the whole thing thinking it was the worst paneer I’d ever had and didn’t catch on until I saw the bill. Gross.

By the way, your bagels contain an extract from human hair and chicken feathers, your milk contains cattle hormones and pus, your beer was clarified with fish extract, your miso soup may contain fish broth and your Kiwi Strawberry Snapple is colored with a dye from ground beetles. Perfect recycling. I see some aren’t taking this meatitude lying down. Bon appetit!

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Making Sacrifices

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Back in 2003, NY Newsday published an article by reporter Dennis Duggan titled, The Growing Legion of Wounded. A reprint of the article can be found on this website. Here is an excerpt:

October 8, 2003

When a rocket propelled grenade struck his checkpoint in Northern Iraq on June 1, Sgt. Wasim Khan of Richmond Hill became part of an unheralded and growing legion of wounded.

When Khan, 27, of the Army’s 1st Armored Division, was struck by shrapnel, he was sent to the Landstuhl Regional Medical Center in Germany for five days before being transferred to Walter Reed Army Medical Center in Washington…

What makes Khan’s American soldier story even more compelling is that he is a Pakistani who dutifully practices his Muslim faith.

Khan has spent the last four months in Ward 57 at Walter Reed, where the maimed lie in limbo waiting for prostheses…

Khan told me over the phone Tuesday that he hopes to get a medical leave in the next few weeks. Departure from the ward is the dream of most of the soldiers who endure pain and humiliation as their wounds are swabbed, poked and scraped. Painkillers are often useless, and sometimes the doctors and nurses break into tears along with the patient who cries out in pain. [Link]

Sgt. Khan’s name re-surfaced in the press once again just last week. Guess where?

“Our men and women in uniform are making sacrifices,” said President George W. Bush during his State of the Union address Jan. 31, and listening intently from the balcony with First Lady Laura Bush was wounded-in-action Soldier Sgt. Wasim Khan.

Khan, a native of Gilgat, Pakistan, is a patient at Walter Reed Army Medical Center. Khan was wounded in Iraq while serving with the 1st Armored Division. He was a special guest at the State of the Union, nominated to attend by the secretary of the Army.

“I got to meet both President Bush and Mrs. Bush after the Address,” said Khan. “They thanked me for my service and for coming and I told them it was an honor and a privilege to see them…” “It was wonderful to see how the American people support us, and keep up that support,” he said. “I hope they keep doing what they think is right for the country and right for the world. We have a lot of work ahead of us…” [Link]

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The standard opening line

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The standard opening line for a desi comedian in the U.S. is to get up and tell people s/he’s desi. You don’t see black comedians getting up and saying, ‘Hi, my name is David, and I’m black.’ They can see you, they can see your name, it’s a given.

And the standard first joke is a desi joke so lame that even Hollywood wouldn’t touch it today. Here’s comedian Rahul Siddharth’s opening joke at a NYC show (watch clip):

‘Papa, are we really Indian? How can you be so sure?’

[In horrible Indian accent] ‘[Because] your mother wears a red dot, and I sound like a Muppet!’

I’m all for supporting the brothas, but how about the brothas supporting us? If that’s your kind of humor, he’s doing a show tonight, and please don’t come near me

In all fairness, a friend of mine says the rest of the show is pretty good. It’s just that once I choke on an appetizer, I don’t stay for dessert.

Related posts: Veezher, Russell Peters strikes again, Russell Peters show online, Paul Varghese delivers on ‘Last Comic Standing’: God’s own comedy, God’s own comedy

Rahul Siddhartha and Vijai Nathan, ‘Don’t Tell Mamas,’ Friday, Feb. 3, 8pm, 343 W. 46th St., Manhattan, $20

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Why does the Philippines dislike India? (updated)

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A new BBC World poll says that people in the Philippines, South Korea, France, Finland and Brazil think India is a negative influence on the world (via Style Station). Pakistan was not polled. On the other hand, Iran, Afghanistan, Sri Lanka, the UK and Russia rate India highly. Saudi Arabia, Turkey and the African countries polled are most neutral about India, while Sri Lanka and India are most neutral about the U.S.

Though India’s global profile has grown significantly over the last year, it fails to elicit strong feelings… The exceptions are two Muslim countries with positive views: Iran (71% positive) and Afghanistan (59% positive). The only country with widespread negative views is the Philippines (57% negative). Notably, India’s small neighbor Sri Lanka has a mere 4 percent reporting negative views and a robust 49 percent expressing a positive one.

Europeans are divided about India. At the positive end of the spectrum is Great Britain (49% positive, 30% negative) and Russia (47% positive, 10% negative), while at the other end are France and Finland–both being 27 percent positive and 44 percent negative. The US leans slightly positively (39% positive, 35% negative). [Link]

India has the strange distinction of being most loved by the most hated, Iran. Forty-three percent of the Indians polled seemed only lukewarm about their own country:

Interestingly, Indians themselves are the most tepid or modest in their self-estimates. While in most countries a large majority give their country a positive rating, among Indians only 47 percent give India a positive rating, but only 10 percent give it a negative rating. [Link]

The Philippines and Brazil are economic competitors of India. The others are more puzzling: South Korea is an economic partner, France has long-standing cultural ties to India, and the Finns might enjoy the weather

Globally, the most disliked countries are Iran, the U.S. and Russia. The African countries polled and some where the U.S. assisted against political repression (Poland, Afghanistan) are the most appreciative of the U.S.

Style Station points out that the sample sizes (and, for that matter, the methodologies) vary widely across countries, so take the poll with a grain of salt. Continue reading →