Today I’m feeling like a political desi, indeed. Though I wake up to NPR every morning, for some reason, the trademark background noises which accompany stories sounded more authentic and charming than usual this morning. Listening to Tom DeLay hammer on about port security ignited my thoughts like few issues have recently. C-Span was even more scintillating as I slowly and repeatedly slammed my head in to my steering wheel thanks to the accident on the onramp to 495 which destroyed 66 this morning. Thank goodness for good radio during hellacious traffic. So now you know where I’m at, in terms of mindset this chilly Friday.
When it comes to today’s theme for flash fiction, IÂ’m tempted to have you guys write a “teaser” for a ToI story, since you mutineers are sooo fond of that paper of record and I already know your 55s would be suitably hilarious. 😉
Then again, I also have the urge to play “Being George Bush”; you could string together 55 words from the PresidentÂ’s inner monologue as he goes about his journey to Indiaaaa . Oh, if only there were a way to know what heÂ’s thinking as he curries favor while eating curry in the exotic land of spices and silksÂ…I can just smell the originality now. 😉
I really don’t mind what you nanofiction as long as you just do, and I think I speak for all of my 55-lovin’ comrades when I type that. As always, leave your gem of a story (or a link to it) in the comments below. And yes, later on I will continue this post with a round-up of last week’s finest. For now though, your beloved blank canvas has been handed to you. Resistance is futile– get to typin’.
first, bitches! 🙂
It hadn’t been a great trip. From calling his driver a little brown man, to asking “where’s the beef?” at a dinner reception hosted by the prime minister, and there was that thing about shoes—is it really necessary to remove them all the dang time?
It could have been worse, Mr. Bush mused, I might have thrown up on someone, the way Dad didÂ…
I don’t have a 55, I just want to commend you on sticking XTC in my head. 😉
“I feel at home with the brown skinÂ…Lots of development and technology, the Indian economy is booming… I thought most of the Indian educated people are living in my countryÂ….wonder what will happen if they decide to return home Â…the US economy will be at a threat Â…better be nice to these Indian guys henceforthÂ….”
“…and how are you enjoying our national delicacies, Mr. President?”
“Oh, just fine, Mr. Prime Minister. Spicy, just like tex mex.” replied the President, shifting in his chair.
With beads of sweat emerging from his forehead, the President reached inside his coat pocket for a pen, and began scribble a note on a napkinÂ…
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i used the blank canvas instead. didn’t the toi already do 55 words on george bush and curry… except they used like the same 5 words over and over? i dont know why i said that.
anyway, here’s my link. I’ll admit, i feel like i’ve cheated a bit, because i used an ellipsis and the title as part of the story.
On the 6 train
“India is a land of many strange and fascinating things. I misunderestimated them. Look at all the men holding hands on the street! They must have seen Brokeback Mountain! ItÂ’s great how our fine civilization civilizes the developing nations! This way there will be no need for abortions. But I wonder where the ranches areÂ…”
I don’t think I’d look good in an orange jumpsuit, so I’ll hold fire with the Dubya 55s for the time being 😉
Here are some ToI spoofs anyway:
Delhi-based Muslim cleric Abu bin-Abu declares fatwa against Sania Mirza for maligning Islam by wearing hoochie skirts on tennis courts.
When asked why similar fatwa not issued against Emraan Hashmi and Fardeen Khan for bold on-screen kissing scenes, replied “Boys will be boys”.
In other news: Bin Laden unexpectedly captured on Pak-Afghan border (page 14).
Bin Laden, bin busted
Veteran anchor Jon Stewart told Star News that Al-Qaeda don claimed to have been driving to Dubai on much-needed “spring break”, and had stumbled into Afghan war-zone after taking wrong detour at Damascus.
When questioned, OBL snapped “This is what happens when you let one of your wives read the map”.
TMBWITW vs TMBWITW
Hollywood: At this year’s Academy Awards, long-time feud between Angelina Jolie and Aishwarya Rai over the title of TMBWITW spilled over into catfight on red carpet.
Eyewitness George Clooney quoted as saying only his Oscar statuette managed to protect his modesty.
Click here for slideshow of fight. Wallpapers & screensavers also available.
Outbreak of lemming-like suicides by husbands reported in 7 major Indian cities after record 200th Saas-Bahu serial by Ekta Kapoor hits airwaves.
When asked to confirm plot details, Ms Kapoor replied it would be a devastatingly-realistic expose of traditional Indian extended family life, “just like all her other serials”.
Psychiatrists on standby, 24-hour helpline available.
DesiDancer Jihad Shock
Declaring “There is no Booty but this Booty, and DD is its proud owner”, millions of devotees of the “Cult of DD” issued fatwa today against J-Lo and Beyoncee for being “false gods”. Reports of Danish cartoons depicting ‘asshats’ as yet unconfirmed. Nasa issues statement verifying message from extraterrestrial civilisation: Page 23.
Damn you, Jai :p
jai, you’ve outdone yourself!
aNTi, Anna: Thank you for the response. It’s “The Daily Sepia with Jai Stewart” 😉
Some good contributions from everyone else this week, TheKingSingh’s 55 in particular made me laugh.
I noticed that there weren’t as many 55s as usual this time, although I guess it may be due to people not wanting to have their phones secretly tapped (assuming they haven’t been bugged already) or end up in Gitmo, blindfolded and handcuffed (yes I know some of you were probably doing that on Valentine’s Day anyway).
Jai, your writing has already made me fall half in love with you! Now if you tell me you have salt and peppa hair, roguishly boyish good looks (albeit a tad dorky), and dimples a la Jon Stewart… VBSF swoons, sliding off her chair and hitting the floor with a thud, much to the dismay and confusion of her officemate
VBSF,
Thank you for your kind words, very nice of you. If you arm-wrestle DesiDancer and Anna for my affections, I might consider adding you to the list of SM babes 😉
To answer your other questions…..
No, my hair’s still, er, mostly black.
Allegedly 😉
Afraid not…..I’m more Sandy Cohen than Seth Cohen these days (no that doesn’t mean I have those monster eyebrows)…..
No — actually I wasn’t aware he had dimples. However, I do have a relatively deep voice, albeit growlier than Jon’s.
But I don’t shout as much as Jon does 😉
MaggianoÂ’s is a popular restaurant. Patrons throng the lobby, standing directly in front of my destination: the takeout window.
IÂ’ve been made. “Anna, how’re you?” sheÂ’s already placing my order.
“Well, thanks for asking. You?”
“Good! Ready in ten minutes—no! five! Okay?”
As I wait, I 55. Multitasking in inapposite places is an illicit thrill.
:+:
jai, you tease.