Another young Indo-Canadian bride was allegedly killed two weeks ago by her in-laws in Punjab:
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Rani Sandhu |
… [Rani] Sandhu, 22, died Jan. 24 while visiting her husband’s relatives [in Arayanwala, a village in Punjab]… Sandhu’s family was also told she died of a heart attack after throwing up following a bad reaction to an apple. Hours prior to her death, Sandhu called her mother and sister in Winnipeg to say she was throwing up but her husband’s family wouldn’t let her drink any water. Each time the phone call was terminated by her husband. [Link]Brar and her family believe Rani was killed for the gold jewelry she took on her visit to introduce her daughter to her grandparents. The family believes Rani was beaten to death and cremated quickly to cover up the murder… “I was shocked to see the number of bruises on her neck and shoulders,” Bindar Brar told the Sun. “There was a large bump on her forehead and a big cut on her lip, just like she’d been beaten… The Sandhus are well-connected politically, so the police are not investigating.” [Link]
V.S. Naipaul parodied these repulsive attitudes nearly 50 years ago. Has anything changed?
Leela continued to cry and Ganesh loosened his leather belt and beat her… It was their first beating, a formal affair done without anger on Ganesh’s part or resentment on Leela’s; and although it formed no part of the marriage ceremony itself, it meant much to both of them… Ganesh had become a man; Leela a wife as privileged as any other big woman. Now she too would have tales to tell of her husband’s beatings; and when she went home she would be able to look sad and sullen as every woman should.The moment was precious… There could be no doubt about it now: they were adults. [Link]
— V.S. Naipaul, The Mystic Masseur, 1957
Statistics are only as good as the statisticians, or rather the data gathering mechanisms themselves, which this groups knows, of course. You have to be very careful with the numbers cited by some organizations, particularly if their funding is tied to perceptions about how widespread is the problem they are combatting. Uh, you know what I’m trying to say.
As for why this woman (MD, me!), with a history that sort of peripherally pertains to this post, didn’t immediately comment? Well, I got turned off as soon as it turned into a typical, “it’s more important to save face than it is to discuss the woman,” meme. Why is it so much more important to talk about how rates of domestic violence might be the same in the US and India, than the woman? Even if bride-burnings were more widespread in the West than in India, why should’t the first reaction be, “why does this happen and how can we stop it?”, rather than automatically jumping to how this makes us look????????? I’m slightly depressed by this all.
I love Naipaul’s writing: if he seems callous, it’s only because he dared to write about things that are not easy to write about. I know his political ideas are anathema to many on this board (and I can’t say I’m too familiar with them, but I get that impression), but when it’s just me and his words on a page, I think: man, can he write.
Did anyone catch that documentary on CBC, where Punjabi families from Canada would go to rural Punjab to find a wife, get married, take the dowry to Canada, while leaving the wife in India, and then divorce her in Canada. It was just an elaborate scam and despicable to say the least.
alybaba: they covered it. it is despicable.
slightly OT, but that search box is useful.
Clearly, the reverse also happens – see my previous post. Women can work the system too, when they have the power to so. In traditional systems they are abused in situations of high vulnerability (new daughter-in-law in strange family being the classic scenario) wherein there is a high imbalance of power. “Power corrupts, absolute power corrupts absolutely”.
Thanks for bringing up such a thought provoking issue!
It’s a very real and sad reality, but it’s something that needs to be changed by the newer generations that have grown out of and away from such practices.
Rather than developing a self loathing attitude and attempting to distance and disconnect ourselves, we should approach the issue head on. I am not Indian, but as a Pakistani I know that these practices and other gruesome incidences happen as easily in either country.
It is disgusting and embarrasing, but every country has it’s own set of issues….this one just happens to be predominant in that area.
Awareness and education are the stepping stones towards change. This is a good start.
This incident sure is sad and unfortunate. It also shoked me as I grew up seeing my friends’ sister get blessings (along with $$) from a local pundit in an annual “kanya puja” (girl prayer/blessings).
Well said MD. The only way a reader should enjoy writing. Leave their politics and opinions out of it (especially when you are reading fiction). Naipaul,rightly, is considered to be in the top tier of today’s writrs.
“why should’t the first reaction be, “why does this happen and how can we stop it?”, rather than automatically jumping to how this makes us look?????????”
excellent point.
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it is difficult as hell to be a woman in india.
i was in jaipur this weekend on business, was meeting some colleagues for dinner, got lost on the way, my auto driver stopped to ask directions, and the young men who gave him directions spied me, a single female, in the backseat and preceded to corner me and grab me in various disgusting ways in the moments it took for me to get the auto driver to speed off.
this is just one incident, just one night, but my telling it will probably spark the memory of many women reading this to remember their own encounters with public physical assault/molesting — it is just that common.
i believe a similar issue prevails with domestic violence — beating a woman does not have the same signifigance as beating a child because, and forgive me the lack of numbers but it’s 1 am and i don’t want to look it up, the cases of child abuse in terms of beating of children (not sexual) is extremely low in comparison to wife-beating. that adds another dimension.
on another note: there was a discussion on the “missing girls” — this past week, i was in a village in rajasthan, near jaisalmer, meeting with women that were organizing into a self-help group and they openly admitted to female infanticide (but claimed that only the men commit it, and usually while drunk) and a door-to-door survey revealed a sex ratio that roughly works out to 500 girls for every 1000 boys. so it would seem the girls are missing still.
This talk of misogynistic attitudes in India reminds me of this woman in Bangalore who started a project to bring awareness to the problem with ‘eve-teasing’. I am not sure if the website was put up here but I think it is quite commendable. One step towards reducing the commidification of women in India really.
It’s difficult as hell to be a woman in any developing country.
I had no idea that Punjabis have ‘honour killings’ too. Thought this dreadful practice was limited to muslims 🙁
Bengali,
Unfortunately, so-called “honour killings” occur throughout India and are not restricted to any single region or members of any particular religious community. It’s right across the board.
It probably does occur more in some communities than in others, of course, but I don’t know what the exact percentage breakdown is in that regard.
*but I don’t know what the exact percentage breakdown is in that regard.
Although here in the UK, the vast majority of such incidents (actual or attempted) do occur amongst Muslims.
About post #52
Of the 30,000 cases of women marry NRI in India, 16,000 of those taken place in punjab. The sad thing is these women had no choice to marry, yet there lifes are all but over.
About post # 60
The only 2 honor killing of Canadian girls have been of punjabi sikh girls. And if this counts as an honor killing then it would be 3 for 3.
About post # 45
I’m sorry if I said something wrong. I have spoken out here to punjabi leaders about the issue of sexism among my people but they have fallen on deaf ears.
It was about a year ago when the trial of Amandeep Atwal was going on. She was killed by her father for having a white boyfriend. Yet during the trial many people in the punjabi community came to support the father including the sikh temple leaders and all of the girl/father family. But nobody in the sikh/punjabi community spoke up for the dead girl. It was something that made me upset with my own family.
Hello Everyone: From time to time, I read your articles and the comments and I find the discussions and exchange of opinions very interesting and knowledgeable. I would like to find out if the host of this site allows strangers to participate. A bit about me, am originally from Guyana but currently living in Canada, the Province where both incidents, referred to by Post #63, were orchestrated and occurred. Naipaul won the Nobel Prize for Literature in 2001. I have to admit that when I first read “A House for Mr. Biswas”, I too thought he was ridiculing Indian values and customs, it was the opposite. He is a great writer. Thank you