Every year, the men’s website askmen.com releases a list of the 99 hottest celebrities on this planet. Millions of people vote to pick their favorite celebrity, and men the world over are more interested in the results of this poll than ones that pick the majority leader in the House of Representatives. I know, men are shallow. However, I am not one of those men. I care. I am also against the crass commercialization of women. But sometimes, one has to make sacrifices for the sake of an audience, and so this year, I am setting aside my usual apathy to take on the unpleasant task of scouring the list for hot desi women.
There is something in this post for everyone, though: the righties can be indignant about the clothes these women wear; the lefties can fume about the list being predominantly white. The others can gawk.
I’ve scoured the list very, very carefully, and I am afraid the news isn’t good. The South Asian representation on the list is pretty skimpy. (yes, I always intend my pun).
Aishwarya Rai, the most beautiful woman in the world, is in the list for the third successive year. She manages to break into the top 50 this year, at number 47.
Crowned Miss World 1994, Indian model Aishwarya Rai has become a superstar in Bollywood (the Indian film industry). But her influence, as Time magazine’s Asian edition pointed out in 2004, goes beyond her native land. Aishwarya was a jury member at the 2003 Cannes Film Festival, and she’s even represented at Madame Tussaud’s Wax Museum in London. [Link]Her black hair and chestnut skin are lovely enough, but those blue eyes make us feel like we’re staring into a Bombay beachside sunset. We’d wrap her in a regal sari, place her on a maharajah’s throne and serve her every whim, humbly genuflecting to her fantastic charms. [Link]
And at number 73, a girl that should make Siddhartha delirious : Lisa Ray, the Canadian born Polish-Bengali joint production. This Lisa incidentally, is the same girl that wants to settle down in Paris and write novels. Ooh.
This Canadian-born actress of Indian and Polish descent made her feature film debut in 2001 in the offbeat comedy Kasoor. In 2002, she appeared in Takkari Donga and the hit romantic comedy Bollywood/Hollywood. Her American film debut came in 2004, when she starred in another romantic comedy, Arrangement, before she relocated to England to pursue further training as an actress. [Link]
And then, .. that’s it! Only two people on the most important list this year. No Sheetal Sheth. No Katrina Kaif. Blasphemous, I know. And sad, if ever anything was. But there is some hope – we’ve doubled our representation over the last two years and at this rate, we’ll take over the list in a mere few decades. Meanwhile, here’s some fodder for your brains:
Askmen.com ranks celebrities based on a vague number called the Desirability Score. Aishwarya is at 7.68, while Jessica Alba, the eventual winner came in at 9.07. Mathematically inclined mutineers might notice immediately that Aish is a mere 15% behind Jessica. And here is an interesting titbit snippet: If you employ a more commonly used ranking index, Alba clocks in at 35-25-35 and Aish at 32-25-32. And the difference between those statistics? 15% . Hmm… hidden message, you think?
And those of you that think I made those numbers up, remember it is the brains that matter to me.
JoaT,
Sister, this entire thread is made up ! We’re all just joking around here. You sound quite disappointed about the lack of photographic responses 😉
And of course us guys here are “wusses” when it comes to this sort of thing — we’re South Asians, after all ! Although Kush T might just be “besharam” enough to actually go through with it…..You never know with these geologists, they’re a pretty wild bunch…..Swingers’ parties, sadomasochism & roleplay, watching Saas-Bahu serials, and so on…..
“And Kush T…where’s that picture you promised???”
It is coming. Please give me a week or so do the needful, gotta put the best show, you know JoaT…….
speak for yourself, I’m not joking. There should be temples built in tribute to my tailside. I’d submit photos, Jane, but 2-D really doesn’t do the representation that 3-D does. 😉
Kush is off doing deep knee bends and walking lunges.
It’s true, 100%. Every single time I’ve seen her from behind, I’ve lost my breath and my knees have buckled. I’ve meant to construct a temple many a time, but I can’t get her to stand still long enough.
That ‘from’ is unnecessary 😉
Hmmm….Excuses, excuses, DD….Talk is cheap…..
DesiDancer’s world-class posterior causes people to have heart attacks ?! “Garam Masala” indeed 😉
Thus, I have no need to submit photo evidence. It’s clinically documented, the saga of my seat.
This is why I never let her walk ahead of me. It’s not chauvinism, it’s medical necessity.
Stand back, folks. It’s for your own safety…
I don’t have permission to access that DD.
I really can’t believe you lot have been going on about this steadily since comment #19. Where’s the debate here? Manish is the culture vulture, Cica is the boho, Razib is the brain…I’M the ass. Err I mean, I HAVE the ass. DesiDancer you’re the looker, the title of ass is mine. Although, what the hell, I’ll worship at your temple.
However, the ‘seen’ IS necessary.
see, the Surgeon General has blocked my link.
Take 2.
Apparently the second link is blocked too.
DesiDancer — It looks like your caboose is so hot it’s actually illegal !!!
You know, nobody answered my question about exactly what is inside the sanctum sanctorum of DD’s giant place of worship. However, I do know that some people think rubbing statues of Buddha can bring them good luck. I wonder if the same applies here, with regards to what goes on inside DD’s temple…..Er, I’d better stop talking now…..
DD — good LAWD, are you saying your booty is in that sister’s league? KA-POW!
i am truly impressed. i bow before your callipygian monument.
i can’t believe i didn’t check in on this thread til now. in the spirit of catching up, DD here’s a technical question on dancing. certain cultures have developed dances in which the two sides of the booty operate in independent suspension — you know, one side is going to one rhythm, the other to another. excellent for polyrhythms. there was such a dance at one point in west africa called the “ventilateur-climatiseur” ( “fan – air conditioner” for whatever reason). i believe brazil is also a source of such techniques.
please tell me what you know.
for the record, i’ve got a big ole butt, though it could sure use some toning.
peace
Siddhartha — I thought I was risking being too badmaash, but bro you have taken the caddishness to a completely different level 😉
DesiDancer — I managed to access the second link. I’ll give you my verdict when I manage to regain my composure.
siddhartha, you are my hero today: not only did I have to look up “callipygian”, but I’m motivated to the core to meet your challenge and train one side of my booty do kathak “din din na na” as the other does afro-caribbean “o-way-o-way-o” I’ll begin conducting massive research and conditioning and get back to you.
Jai, I told you I didn’t think you could handle it 😉 As Ennis said, I need a warning sign, like a rollercoaster– it can kill people with weak hearts, spark dangerously abnormal heart rhythms, or may be the cause of unexplained head, neck and back injuries. 😉
DD – I’ll download this software, and we’ll see if we can’t bring your glory to the masses.
Jai, PS: for the SM-CCEM v.2006, I propose the following verbiage be amended and included:
Item 3: should include the verbiage of previous-Item 4 “Deserves some occasional, but not frequent, gentle spanking.” Whereas the new Item 4 will state “I could (and will) palm that like a basketball”
DD – excellent, i look forward to your findings. it really is a technical question, jai!
DD, if you know any haitians, ask them about the concept of “gouyad.” it seems to approach what i am talking about.
peace
siddhartha, two haitian dance instructors I study with said that gouyad/gouye is like the stripper-dance from “Rize”. It’s a whole lot of spastic high-speed tail-shakin and ass-poppin, but not really independent buttcheek rhythm, they say. But the mahi (mah-yee) has some nice snakelike torso rolling…
DD – fantastic! let the data collection continue!
DesiDancer,
laughing Sounds good to me 😉 However, you know how a new “7-Star” category had to be devised for the now-famous, sailboat-shaped “Burj Al-Arab” hotel in Dubai, because it raised the bar even further for the quality of luxury hotels ?
In the same way, judging by the photographic evidence you’ve supplied, I think we have to further amend SM-CCEM v.2006 and include a new “super-category” just to accomodate you…..
Item 6: I would spank that booty until my arm fell off.
wink
or “In addition to having temples in its honor, said booty as been known to induce heart attacks, fainting, dizziness and shortness of breath” 🙂
And “has been banned in countries across several continents as non-conducive to public decency, and is likely to irrevocably corrupt the virtue of upright, morally-impeccable people everywhere”…..
this thread went for so so to awesome with the introduction of the independant butt cheek action discussion. sigh. thats just a beautiful image
“And Kush T…where’s that picture you promised???”
It is coming. Please give me a week or so do the needful, gotta put the best show, you know JoaT…….
OMG is Kush prpearing to falunt his buttocks in an act of bravado? Kush ji, I implore you to show them CLOTHED, doing othewise could be a human rights violation! 🙂
Eddie
Sahej, the mutiny is not your momma’s bharatanatyam 😉 badunkadunkdunk, yaaron.