All-American girls in Calcutta

Posted on by

There are few real news programs left on U.S. television. You have 60 minutes, Nightline, and PBS’ excellent series Frontline. Two weeks ago I watched all six hours of a brilliant documentary called Country Boys that followed the lives of two poor teenage boys from Kentucky into manhood. I thought it exemplified what reality TV could be if only it had a brain. SM tipster “Anu” forwards us another example by Frontline of a great documentary. Frontline’s Rough Cut series posts a short film by Sasha Khokha (only on-line) titled, India: Calcutta Calling-American girls explore their roots.

In the wake of FRONTLINE’s broadcast last week of David Sutherland’s film Country Boys, about two teenagers coming of age in rural Kentucky, FRONTLINE/World presents Sasha Khokha’s video Calcutta Calling, about three teenage girls growing up in Minnesota… The twist in Khokha’s story is that the three girls — Kaylan Johnson, Anisha Pitzenberger and Lizzie Merrill — were all adopted as infants from an orphanage in Calcutta, India. Their Midwestern American parents raised them in loving families as all-American girls who sing in the choir, play soccer and shop at the mall.

Still, the girls know they are different. If nothing else, their brown skin sets them apart in Minnesota. People are friendly, but sometimes look at them as outsiders.

Khokha is allowed to accompany Anisha, Kaylan and Lizzie when they go back to India with their American parents. This is the first time they have returned to the land of their birth. It is a chance for them to learn more about their origins and to explore their dual identities. Surprising, honest and poignant, Calcutta Calling follows these bright-eyed girls closely as they venture into a country that both delights and disturbs them. [Link]

While watching the film I KNOW that many of you will have the same conflicted reactions as me. These girls were all raised in white families and in white neighborhoods. This is an entire step removed from Indian Americans that, despite being born here, still retain cultural ties to India through family and community. Except for their skin color, these girls have no connection to Indian culture whatsoever. And yet…their brown skin instinctively causes you to sometimes unfairly judge their often shallow reactions as the film unfolds. For example, one of the three girls helps a small child color in the picture of a girl while visiting the orphanage back in India (see picture at right). It isn’t until she is done that she realizes that she helped the child draw a girl with blond hair instead of black. The movie also brought to mind some of the issues we have been discussing on SM in the past week. All three of these American families adopted girl children from India. In the end you can’t help but appreciate that these three girls at least got the chance to meet each other. All three feel that in each others presence they finally belong.

I strongly urge readers to set aside 20 minutes to watch this film. For best viewing use the Quicktime option instead of the Real Media player and enlarge the screen size in the pop up window. Also keep in mind that by posting this I am going to substantially increase traffic to their site. I had no problem viewing it but some of you may want to wait until an odd hour.

Click here to watch.

74 thoughts on “All-American girls in Calcutta”

  1. A-MfD, At the risk of a vanilla answer, it all depends on the family unit. I know other ABC.5Ds that have had a completely different experience than I have… so long as all cultures in a multi-culti household are given equal priority, it’s a great start. It also depends ‘how desi’ your family is. If the elders are supportive of (erm, tolerant of?) the mixed household, then it’s probably easier than dealing with elders who say “vutt did you do marrying this gauri?!” or call names or disrespect the partner, because the children shouldn’t be made to suffer for adults’ prejudices and ignorance. Kids who grow up with a solid exposure to all of the places they come from, will have better personal definitions of who they are, and they’ll be inclined to be free from their history, internalized racism, or marginalizing one parent (or side of the family).

    Playing the “we don’t see color, we just love” route is also a bad idea because the world doesn’t work that way. I was lucky to live in a pretty diverse town, with a lot of other mixed kids, so I think I had it better than most. If you’re in any of the major cities, I really enjoy the work of these two groups.

  2. DesiDancer,

    I’m interested in your thoughts on how the topic of religion should be broached with an ABC.5D.

  3. then it’s probably easier than dealing with elders who say “vutt did you do marrying this gauri?!”

    I think you inadvertently highlighted the problems with such marriages by your above statement. I believe in most mixed marriages, the desi parents are the ones who have the biggest problem. The Mainstream White American parents seem to be more tolerant of the Indian spouse. I dont know how Black/Hispanic American parents take to their children marrying Indians. IMO the desi Hindu parents also seem to be a little more tolerant than desi Muslim parents (though not much different).

    I wonder why our culture is so intolerant when it comes to choosing your spouse.

  4. I wonder why our culture is so intolerant when it comes to choosing your spouse.

    The more conservative culture is usually the bottleneck.

  5. I wonder why our culture is so intolerant when it comes to choosing your spouse.

    Ideally, I think most parents wish for their kids to marry within their traditions. “A nice Catholic girl” or “a nice Jewish man” etc. But here in the west parents are more resigned that their kids will do what they please anyway. So it’s not an question of tolerance, just helplessness.

  6. appropriate illustrative movie moment (and not that I’m taking up for this movie, it’s no work of art):

    Bollywood/Hollywood, when Rahul Khanna brings his white girlfriend home to meet the elders, dresses her up in a sari and the whole 9 yards (pun intended). Dina Pathak, as the grandmother, is pretending she doesn’t know any English and directs questions to the girlfriend in Hindi, with the mother translating. Basically she asks her a few fluffy questions before turning to Rahul Khanna and saying (in Hindi) “what did you do– bring home a white whore??” and of course the mother translates to English before she realizes what she’s doing…

    Dasichist- I have no idea yaar. Religion wasn’t particularly critical in our household. It was to the elders on both sides, so I’m sure that was a whole different drama for my parents. As a kid, we figured the more holidays & deities, the more potential for presents… Traditionally, isn’t it the mother’s side who dictates the religion of the children?

  7. Ang:

    I debated responding to your comment but in case it has creeped other people out too, I didn’t mean it in THAT way! Jeesh! If I had meant it the way you imply I hope I would have the good sense not to post it here where everyone could see! But thank you…you’ve made me realise I have to police my words. I wish I had realised people could take it that way before I posted it, but that thought didn’t even occur to me. Thanks for embarrassing me though.

  9. I wonder why our culture is so intolerant when it comes to choosing your spouse. The more conservative culture is usually the bottleneck.

    hahaha

    i think my mom will be happy if i get married to ANYONE! i told her today that if i’m not married by the time i’m 35, i’m just going to adopt children from india and be a single mom…

    needless to say, she got mad.

    nothing says fun like being 25, single, and having wheatish complexion. blech!

  10. And Ang, thanks for ignoring everything else in my posts.

    Hey, no problem – don’t even mention it.

  12. But as a 28 year old lawyer starting your first job in a BIGLAW firm, you will be quite a catch 😉

    AMFD, have you actually read my blog? me work for a big firm? hahahahaha…yeah right…..

  14. Ok, why dont you want to work in a BIGLAW firm?

    I did go through your blog entries. This caught my eye,

    law school makes you stupid! it makes you value things you didnt even care about before you got there. all of a sudden you’re worried about being at the top of the class so you can get a job being someone’s bitch at a firm.

    But then you are on the International Law Journal. So that should help if you wanted to do that sort of thing.

  15. But then you are on the International Law Journal. So that should help if you wanted to do that sort of thing.

    actually, i’m just detail oriented when it comes to producing written work. that’s what got me on the EILR.

    i dunno me and the big firm… we’re not friends.

  16. DesiDancer,

    I’ve been meaning to mention this for a while now, but it’s nice to see that you’re happy with the desi side of your identity/ancestry; other people from mixed-marriages I’ve encountered here in the UK sometimes reject their Asian affiliation completely (I’m guessing that to some extent it’s due to bad experiences and/or them finding certain aspects of desi culture too restrictive and conservative), although this seems to be less the case if the person has grown up in a town/city with a large desi population.

    Al_Mujahdid_for_debauchery,

    I wonder why our culture is so intolerant when it comes to choosing your spouse.

    I think it’s because of an entrenched “feudal” mentality, especially amongst the older generation. Not just the whole “us versus them” mindset, but in the sense of them regarding marriage as some kind of semi-political alliance between 2 families, rather than predominantly something concerning the prospective bride & groom. This means that not only do many of them feel they have an excessive right to interfere/dictate/veto who their sons & daughters marry, but the whole process can sometimes be much more of a political minefield than it otherwise would be (or, indeed, should be).

  22. In response to this message (almost 3 years too late..)

    DesiDancer on January 25, 2006 01:39 PM · Direct link · “Quote�(?)

    Amitabh- don’t jump my shit, I’m not hating on the mom, but I do feel that denying the fact that her child is brown, adopted, and not visually a fit-in is short-sighted. She has probably given her daughter many many opportunities that she could never have dreamed of, had she not been adopted by this loving family. But the fact of the matter is that ignoring it won’t make it any less of a problem, much in line with Tom Cruise’s banal comments on how he doesn’t see his adopted kids by their skin color– unfortunately the rest of the world does, and despite it being every parent’s dream to protect their child 24-7, all the world around, there are times when the child will be away from their parents’ protection and guidance and have to learn to fend for themselves. Denying that the world is often prejudicial is naive.

    I’m mixed-race-desi, but I still get asked if my parents spoke English at home, or if we played with snakes, ate monkey brains, or rode elephants. Despite the fact that we played with Legos, ate Cottage Inn Pizza and rode a Toyota or a Huffy. Ignorance is everywhere and eventually children must leave their utopic homes. It is a parent’s duty to arm them effectively to protect themselves. Further, there are ways to do it without negating the adoptive family in the least. Undoubtedly these young women are proud of their adoptive families, and their roles in them. Being “you” shouldn’t come at the expense of any of the parts that comprise you. From what I got out of the film, the girls were not the least bit ungrateful for the opportunities they had been given in life, with 100% credit to their adoptive families. BUT. They still said that they felt a void or a gap, or just that they didn’t fit in, and that they felt somehow impelled to discover “their culture” whether it be through culinary outlets or ordering a sari online. If a parent shrugs or ignores this desire in their child, a desire to know who they are and where they come from, it’s just sad.

    I’m not hating on the mother, I hope that after this trip she sees what impact it had on her daughter and encourages her to define herself however she chooses.

    Thank you for your opinion, but how do you know that the mother hasn’t encouraged her daughter to define herself however she chooses? Pretty sure the mother DOES not deny the fact that her daughter is Brown. Maybe color doesn’t matter to her..ever think of that?!

  23. as an adult survivor of a transracial and transnational adoptee, i’ve had a number of fascinating discussions on the subject, and heartbreakingly, with a number of white friends who don’t see the intricacies and complications that occurs when white (middle class) adopt brown children indigenous to north america or from other continents. speaking for my own experience, it is important to note the decades-long, near-compulsory adoption of native american/canadian children into white homes as a policy of forced assimilation.

    there are infinite combinations of home environments that either household (adoptive or biological) that can expose a child to abuse. the grass is always greener on the other side.

    most importantly, for those that are shocked by the girl’s absorbing racist/painful images of india and calcutta, we realize that we can’t blame the children for their absorbing racism and ignorance from the predominantly white society around them and their own parent’s inherent racism. yes, white people who adopt brown children can still harbor phenomenal ignorance and racism.

    please see this thread in my own blog for a hearty discussion on adoption, racism, transnational adoption, gay parent rights, and a host of other difficult topics to compromise.