Kundalini Shock Attack

If you’re a desi in your thirties, you’ve probably got fond memories of Depeche Mode, New Order and the Cure. You might also be nostalgic for the desi songs your parents used to play at home.

Realizing this, an indie band in Dallas got peanut butter in their chocolate and chocolate in their peanut butter (thanks, midwestern eastender). The members first met at UC Berkeley:

… I’ve also recently gotten a CD from the Amrikan Kundalini Shock Attack (I actually found them just by typing in “indotrash” after a conversation with Shiva Soundsystem one night), which has been amusing me all week. Imagine Depeche Mode singing in Hindi and you’d be in the ballpark of their old-school techno-disco style. [Link]

Listen to Kundalini Shock Attack. I still haven’t decided whether this self-proclaimed ‘desi post-dancefloor deconstructionalism… techneurotic… neoretro post-structuralist desiwave’ duo is Spinal Thappad or just sincerely trashy:

The songs evoke an energy that is lysergic, kaleidoscopic and Rangolian. It will blow the saris off all mofos! [Link – PDF]

That pseudo-PoMo humor, however, is pure Berkeley.

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Panjabi having a very ‘Good Year’

Actress Archie Panjabi has a small role in a new film with Russell Crowe:

Panjabi in another film, Yasmin

Archie Panjabi, to my mind the best Indian actress in Britain, is currently filming in A Good Year, which is an appropriate title because she has had a pretty good year. The film, directed by Ridley Scott and based on a book by Peter Mayle, is about an investment banker (played by Russell Crowe) who swaps London life for a vineyard in France. [Link]

An Englishman (Crowe) inherits a vineyard in Provence. Upon arriving at his new property, he meets an American woman who claims that the land is hers. [Link]

The film co-stars French actress Marion Cotillard. Here’s the book upon which the movie is based:

The caper in A Good Year revolves around a mysterious small-batch cult wine that never makes it to the wine store and trades as an investment. [Link]

Panjabi’s last project was a tawdry teledrama about former British Home Secretary David Blunkett:

… Archie was in A Very Social Secretary, a television dramatisation of the events surrounding David Blunkett’s affair with Kimberly Fortier, the American publisher of The Spectator magazine… An outraged Blunkett tried unsuccessfully to stop the broadcast on Channel 4 on the grounds that his privacy was being invaded. [Link]

Related post: The spy who loved me

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A very Om-ly Christmas

Is there anything schlockier than this fiber optic, snow-flocked Om tree? For just 50 quid, you get the same emotional, uh, ‘appeal’ of an interreligious wedding where not only are both religious ceremonies conducted simultaneously, they’re physically merged. I’m thinking a pandit with a yarmulke. Syncretic-alicious!

(via the Calcutta Telegraph)

Related posts: Krishna for Christmas, Happy Diwahanukwanzidmas

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Swing shift

16-year-old Kiran Matharu, a third-gen Brit Asian, is a budding golf star from Leeds whom some call the best female amateur golfer in the UK (thanks, midnight toker):

[Amarjit Matharu’s] daughter, Kiran, is the best female amateur golfer in the country. She plays off plus 3.4 – compared to Michelle Wie’s plus 4.2 – and she is only 16. Kiran is off to Texas this week, having been invited to a training camp by Butch Harmon, Tiger Woods’ former swing guru. Nike, Ping and Red Bull are all keeping a close watch. Serious money is just around the corner…

[Her father] was a keen sportsman, playing golf off four before switching his attention to cricket, but he never quite made the big time. He runs a bar in central Leeds and follows sport as a fan. He feels hard done by that Kiran is not given more attention. ‘Everyone raves about Michelle Wie,’ he says. ‘I know that if Kiran was American, she’d be red-hot news…’

Her practice swing is a thing of artistic beauty. So smooth, so relaxed, so natural. She bangs the ball 260 yards down the middle of the fairway without appearing to make any effort…

Kiran Matharu could be the most exciting female golfer to emerge in this country since Laura Davies started scorching the hide off the ball. Let’s hope she makes it, not just to repay the £50,000 her family has already invested in her career, but for her sake. [Link]

She will play in the Curtis Cup next year — the youngest member of the squad — and then turn pro. [Link]

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He got game

Waris Singh Ahluwalia is the young actor and Urban Turban designer last seen in, and airbrushed out of the ads for, Wes Anderson’s The Life Aquatic. He’s currently shooting Spike Lee’s The Inside Man, which also stars Denzel Washington, Clive Owen, Jodie Foster, Willem Dafoe, Chiwetel Ejiofor and Christopher Plummer (thanks, zimblymallu):

The Inside Man tells the story of a cop (Washington) who must outsmart a professional bank robber (Owen) during a bank robbery turned hostage situation. [Link]

As negotiations grow more strained, a powerful lawyer with mysterious ties (Foster) becomes involved in the crisis… Dafoe will be playing the role of a police captain while Ejiofor plays a detective… [Link]

Waris plays a bank clerk… there you have Spike Lee wearing House of Waris. In the end he bought the horn ring and the enameled skull. On his right hand he is wearing the white gold and diamond skull ring. He’s totally decked out in House of Waris. [Link]

The movie, parts of which were shot at the Brooklyn Naval Yard, is due out March 24 next year. What fresh hell is this, to be green-eyed man-meat like Clive Owen and yet be cast opposite Waris ‘the S. is for sexayyy’ Ahluwalia

Related posts: Wes hearts Waris, Waris’ star turn: The Life Sikhquatic, Sikh fashionista in ‘The Life Aquatic’

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Newsstand roundup

The December issue of Harper’s contains a short story called ‘Lost in Uttar Pradesh,’ more exoticized claptrap about oddness in India. One could pick a much less prosaic state than U.P. for the title; this is sort of like Louis Leakey traipsing around the mystical badlands of Cleveland.

· · · · ·

This week’s New Yorker includes a cover story on the Pakistan quake aftermath:

Musharraf seized power in a coup, six years ago, and at the time he described the Army as… the only body disciplined enough to fix the country’s ills… yet, when the earthquake hit, the Army appeared neither efficient nor consumed by any sense of urgency… ten days after the earthquake struck, Musharraf’s government signed a billion-dollar contract for Swedish military surveillance aircraft, a bewildering priority… “If you were a Westerner asked to provide humanitarian financial assistance to a country led by a military government obsessed with the regional ‘military balance,’ what would you think?”…

“The villagers, when tensions run high, can’t even do free farming out on their terraces, because the Indians fire at them,” he said. “They and their animals are often wounded.” Half a mile up, a section of the gorge wall had collapsed. Small tombstones protruded at odd angles from a mound of dirt. A bloated corpse wrapped in a black shroud lay on top of the mound. Apparently, the person had been killed by a falling graveyard…

As we approached the Line of Control, Abbas lost his way. He made a U-turn in the gorge, swung right into another canyon, and then hurriedly made a second U-turn. A soldier assigned to spotter duty pointed down at a tricolor Indian flag flapping directly underneath the helicopter… It’s hard to imagine how the two militaries keep track of the line in any event. The border twists from side to side and up and down, as if tracing the fingers of a very thick hand. [Link]

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Veezher

If you thought Russell Peters’ material was too stereotypical in New York, watch what happens when a desi comedian plays Cincinnati. Rajiv Satyal, a moonlighting P&G’er, plays to stereotype up the yin-yang with threadbare jokes about camels, Kwik-e-Marts, Slurpees, terrorists and ‘thank you, come again.’ Wince.

He even calls himself Razheev. It’s my pet peeve, the weird American idea that Indian languages pronounce ‘j’ like in French. If you’re foreign in the movies, you’re given a British accent; if you’re foreign in real life, you’re assumed to be French. Sometimes it seems the only countries we know are the ones which fought here 250 years ago. Over New Jersey.

So take back your ‘Veezh,’ please. It’s Vij, just like it’s spelled, thankyaverramuch. Like Spanish, we’re into phonetic spelling down on the subcontinent. For your confusion, thank the French:

Send these, the confused, pronunciation-challenged to me,
I lift my lamp beside the golden door.

Related posts: Russell Peters strikes again, Russell Peters show online, Paul Varghese delivers on ‘Last Comic Standing’: God’s own comedy, God’s own comedy

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Russell Peters strikes again

Set aside an hour for this one. Funnyman Russell Peters strikes again in this stand-up clip, and once he lets rip, you’re not gonna want to stop (thanks, Aizaz). Politically incorrect, but he’s just sayin’ in public what y’all say in private.

Update: At 21 minutes, he goes self-referential with his old punchline, ‘Somebuddy gonna get hurt real bad.’ Half the audience gets it and laughs. ‘Downloading m*f*s… that’s 45 minutes of material you won’t be hearing today.’

Update 2: Dwarf and deaf person jokes? The old show was better.

Related posts: Veezher, Russell Peters show online, Paul Varghese delivers on ‘Last Comic Standing’: God’s own comedy, God’s own comedy

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Gurpurab Greetings

Today is the 536th birthday of Guru Nanak Dev ji, the founder of the Sikh religion.

Sikh pilgrims celebrate the anniversary of the birth of Guru Nanak, the founder of Sikhism, in Nankana Sahib, Pakistan.

Here is an article about the life and contributions of Guru Nanak.

Here is a description of how the event is usually celebrated.

Here is a very nice slideshow of images from the celebrations in India.

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