The Daily Show’s resident ranter Lewis Black riffed on today’s Sri Lankan election. Watch the clip, it’s at 2:20.

In Sri Lanka, presidential candidate Victor Hettigoda has promised to give a free dairy cow to every family in the country if he wins. Finally, a candidate who’s ready to say no to government pork and yes to beef! [Link]

They’re not just any old cows, they’re Malayalee:

A wealthy Sri Lankan presidential candidate said he will use his personal fortune to buy a cow for every home if he is elected.

“Every Sri Lankan home will be gifted with a high milk-yielding cow from (the Indian state of) Kerala which could be expected to yield 10 liters (2.5 gallons) to 16 liters (four gallons) of milk every day,” Victor Hettigoda was quoted as saying by The Island newspaper on Friday. “Even families who live in flats, who could make suitable arrangements to look after a cow, will receive a gift of cow,” he was quoted as saying. [Link]

A Sri Lankan presidential candidate promised a free cow to every family in the country‘A chicken in every pot and a cow in every garage.’ More to the point, the independent candidate, a successful entrepreneur, is Tamil Tiger-friendly:

He also said the LTTE are “a prudent lot” who have not resorted to corrupt practices, and he pledged to offer the LTTE a number of key ministerial portfolios in his government if his talks with them are successful. [Link]

“It was our own narrow minded party politicians who went around the world and said that they were terrorists. If they said they (LTTE) are our own sons and daughters, then the world would have not cornered them as terrorists. So who created this situation? We ourselves…

“If we stamp LTTE as terrorists, then I am asking how the JVP can join a government to rule this country. Were they not a terrorist’s organisation one time? They too killed people and ordered to carry the corpses below the knee; they too shot fathers in front of their children etc. The world accepted that they too were terrorists and a guerrilla organisation. So if they were given a chance to join a democratic process, then why are we not willing to do it with the LTTE? …

“As the presidential candidate I request all, including the international community, not to brand the LTTE as terrorists, criminal or guerrilla organisation or insurgents.” [Link]

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p>Here’s how the LTTE responded to the Sri Lankan elections today:

Intimidation and roadblocks by Tamil Tiger rebels stopped voters reaching polling stations to choose between the country’s hawkish prime minister, Mahinda Rajapakse, and his rival candidate for the presidency, opposition leader Ranil Wickremesinghe. Although Tamils only represent about 20% of Sri Lanka’s 19 million people, they are regarded as potential kingmakers in the closely fought election…

“Burning tyres are a signal that we should not go beyond this, we have known this over the years,” said Perinban, a 57-year-old Tamil farmer… “Clearly in my view the LTTE [Liberation Tigers of Tamil Eelam] are really using a boycott policy in all but name,” one western diplomat told Reuters on condition of anonymity. “It’s purely about them having the status of being the sole representative of the Tamil people…” [Link]

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p>The candidate on Sinhalese-Tamil relations:

“… is it correct how the majority in this country treating the minorities? It is we how tried to make them losers and we became losers. Why are they showing massive resistance even today? Because there is not a single day that we have not intensified the agitating campaign against them through all instrumentations we have in this country. Political leaders in the past have tried to fool them for their own advantages and destroyed trust between these two communities to the utmost.” [Link]

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p>On brain drain:

“When you go to bed its one government, when you get up it’s another government. They injected this sickness to law enforcement officers and into the administration system. Talented officers had no chances and disgusted. People who got training abroad were deprived to serve this nation with the knowledge they got abroad. When I become the president and appoint my cabinet, this sickness will vanish. The era where law enforcement officers got assaulted by politicians will end. Their sons and daughter will not run riot in 5 star hotels and night clubs damaging government property.” [Link]

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p>Hettigoda made his fortune selling ayurvedic balm:

Hettigoda, 68 started his ayurvedic balm business way back in the 70s… In 1989 Asiaweek magazine named him “the Balm King”. [Link]

Not to be confused with the Bum King. Regarding the milk cows, perhaps Hettigoda should pay attention to his own advice:

“… every four or five years governments change. For political gains we gave them all kinds of promises. Then we don’t keep to these promises.” [Link]