An Asian-American college student cries brutha-on-brutha violence:
Who are Asian girls dating? Whites and South AsiansIn one of the discussion classes I taught last year at Berkeley, half of the Asian girls in the room stated that they do not prefer to date Asian men… who are they dating?… The most obvious [answer was] white men… The second most common answer from the girls was Indian men (South Asians).… their responses centered around… economic status and physical attractiveness… the Asian girls said that both white men and Indian men in our society (especially here at Berkeley) were viewed as successful, intelligent, and confident….
… the girls said that they found these two groups of men to be physically attractive… My conjecture in this case would be that both groups tend to share the same sharp features (Greco-Roman noses/eyes) that the media tends to value.
… Asian women are “up for grabs”… Asian men are getting the axe on two levels here. First, they are only seen as being able to date their own kind… At the same time, their own kind, at an increasing rate, tends not to prefer them sexually. [Link]… the Asian male as sexually impotent voyeur or pervert is a reoccuring icon, appearing throughout American cultural history and especially in film. Notable examples of this include Mickey Rooney in “yellowface” as the bucktoothed Japanese landlord who sneaks peeps at Audrey Hepburn in Breakfast at Tiffany’s (1961) or the pathetically asexual nerd Long Duk Dong in John Hughes’ adolescent classic Sixteen Candles (1984). [Link]
siddartha_M – Don’t put words in my mouth. I do like your enthusiam for the book. “The Game” definitely is a good basis for writing a book like this. If you really think there is a market for this product we should talk. AFC Desis seem to be saying yes! I will say though, social chameleon theory plays an integral role in improving your odds.
Abhi – what does being single have to do with picking up girls? Also does anyone know Neil Strauss…he wrote a book on it and his previous works are biographies on Montley crue and “how to make love like a porn star with jenna jameson”… i mean come on
cicatrix – yea sorry, structure shut down when i was in highschool, so i’m goin to venture and guess you are about 26 😉 As for those brownie clones, in the Bebe tops and tight pants, yea they all suck. Although its great fun to mess with their heads a bit, ex. borrowing their phone and then taking a super slutty picture of them and sending it to their mom while they’re not paying attention…i feel like renton…”the truth is i am a bad person”
Hey, Neil Strauss’ book on “the Crue” happens to be one of the best music bios ever written. Anyone who can make Nikki Sixx seem endearing is certainly qualified to write dating book, imo.
Um, as long as y’all understand that my ideal desi boy would look like Vijay Raaz…and that I turn to Vice Magazine for my fashion dos and don’ts.
Cocopuffs, you are evil!! we should hang out 😉
puffs:
“If you really think there is a market for this product we should talk. AFC Desis seem to be saying yes!”
of course i do! i’ve been saying so all along. give me a shout, you can do it thru my website. did i hear you say you’re in boston? also, what’s an AFC desi — the only AFC i know is the home of the New England Patriots. (by that measure i’m definitely an AFC desi.)
cica,
it’s all good! you wanna do this? it can be a joint project of the two of you. all the better for sales. holler at me, you know how.
sm
sid – i will definitely be giving you a shout, i’m actually livin in providence, but i go up to boston a decent amount. AFC is a term dubbed for “average frustrated chump” within the neil strauss book. Boston would be a great place to document desi social behaviour as both desi male and female clones are abundant.
cicatrix – would you be interested in doing something like this? i would be down as its a nice change of pace from my job as a cube monkey doing long division for the man. gotta pay bills.
i may be evil, but you can’t deny that it made you laugh… i have many more stories of hilarious debauchery
Cocopuffs,
Spill the daal, buddy. Unless you’re saving all that for your book…..
The Neil Strauss ‘speed seduction method’ is pretty cheesy. Great if you want to meet bimbos. Sample: point at your crotch and mention the word ‘hap-penis.’
Lovely.
Kikipoughs – you gotta take everything with a grain of salt, i mean come on, he also suggests performing magic tricks and peacocking,(wearing flamboyant clothes and fake jewelry)
Jai Singh – man oh man, i should prolly save them for the book in the off chance it actually happens. Most of them are from college. “Lying to someone you will never see again is a one of life’s greatest guilty pleasures.” that was my motto, me and one of my boyz would often hit the club with this in mind. Desi’s are often quite gullible as they will think i’m not lying to them since i’m also desi. Why should they? i am a suitable boy.one story which sticks out to me was talking to a clinical psychologist and convincing her i was in my first year of residency at Hopkins Medical(pediatrics to be exact) (i looked like i was 12 then, and can maybe pass for 18 now, god knows how she actually bought it, she was a fox!) After making random talk about how disconcerting taking a baby’s rectal termperature was and 7 martinis later, i find myself alone and somehow irresistable to this psychologist. long story short, i woke up in a fantastic apartment in DC in dupont circle, with a horrible hangover, completely disoriented, i leave her(noticing she’s not as foxy as she looked the night before) saying i will call her i give her my friends number (i used his name also) and told her to call me anytime she needs a breast examination. My poor friend, he never did figure out who the woman was that kept calling saying she needed an examination.
you know, Cocopuffs, you should consider writing a screenplay with all of your pranks and antics and pitch it as a brown American-Pie style movie. But if you call it Masala Pie or American Laddoo or some other heinous east-west shit, I will come slap you 😉
Lying to average looking drunk women about how successful you are in order to sleep with them…Wow you must me the first guy in recorded history to do this.
Let me know when the first book signing is…Yawn.
for the record, i’m not down with any kind of american pie b.s. but if someone wants to work on a smart, desi “how to” guide in the chick-lit and associated traditions, silly but not juvenile, with appeal across the 18-35 demographic, i’ll be happy to help write the proposal.
puffs, i agree that the kind of material you just offered is a little… ech.
M A N – you are soooooo right, although there are cave drawings dating back to 2000 BC implying that i might not be the first.
your wit does astound me, tell us a little bit about something that would interest you, maybe a guide for hitting on pre-op transvestites?
double-ech.
Great that you know how to be charming and think fast on your feet, not so hot that you’re being just another cad.
by the way, I thought this:
would make it clear that I’m completely at sea when it comes to dating advice for other people.
And in the wake of that “he’s jsut not into you” book, I think the market for such books will be completely saturated.
I do however have a book idea in mind, for which this stuff..at least in the anecdotal sense.. would make a great chapter. Not going to get around to working on it until early next year, but email me.
Hilarious.
cocopuffs:So the only way for you to get with the ladies is to lie to them? Is this related to your visage?
Bong Breaker:I stand by my comment re: East Indians, she says impishly. So, through a historical accident Native Americans were called Indians, and so there needed to be a way to differentiate. It’s an old term, and not used that much here in the US, but I’m sure you knew that, right? Anyway, why is colour so much better than color? Why the need to stick extra letters where they don’t belong 🙂 PS. Can you do anything about how terrible BBCAmerica is? I mean, how many times can I watch Home Invaders or Changing Rooms? Gah…..
The rest of you:Sometimes the threads are so snappy and jazzy it just brings pure joy to my heart.
Oh, and ennis: maybe I’ll elaborate later….
now that actually sounds interesting.
interesting, i guess that anecdote was more of a tucker max type story, which is bound to have many critics.
Childhood is temporary; Immaturity is forever.
Cicatrix – come on? just another cad? I thought we cleared the fact that i’m EVIL. I guess there is a double standard, i can crack jokes all over stupid teenybopper in tight pants, but if i crack a joke on a professional woman i’m a cad.
oh well
MD – i guess one stupid story would be enough for educated person to make that assumption. Perhaps you didn’t catch the part where i say it was from college. Then again if you are like most desis you were prolly studying while everyone else was getting trashed and being stupid. BTW, What was his name?
Here’s one from Tuesday nite. A much taller gorgeous woman keeps smiling at me while dancing with her lady friend. She finally comes closer and falls on me. I’m sure it wasn’t on purpose! As I help her to her feet, she apologizes and I say, ‘That’s okay I pick up women all the time’. Just the right mixture of being cad-istic and charming/funny. Some convo later and after she found out my ethnicity I was getting too many questions about desi life. No Me interesa…I have no interest in being the Companion Guide to Monsoon Wedding. NEXT!
cocopuffs – last time I checked college students were adults, but ok, I get the point, you were young and immature, as were, ahem, many of us (but seriously, dude, didn’t you feel at all guilty or bad at the time? I would feel horrible lying to a guy).
*By the way, speaking of immature, I was asked by my parents to leave my first college for having too much fun, they didn’t want to pay for it if I was going to throw it all away.
Ahh, the things you learn about MD here on the SM comments thread….
haha, thats actually hilarious, not that she fell into you, but the fact that shes much taller…just playin’ I give you props on the line…maybe you should co-author the book.
Cocopuffs – Tuckermax site is awesome. I checked it last nite, still doing the same in work.
BTW, whats the term ‘Cad’, ‘Cadistic’ mean –> could anybody explain to this FOBie.
Alright whenever the book comes out, I will bring all my FOBie gang wearing their flannel shirts, pants with socks visible, White shoes to in exact contrast to the color of socks to buy the book….wouldn’t that be cool…..are we looking for NY times best-seller……whatever, I dont care……I have tuckermax to read.
MD – you are wise. i agree, i don’t do it anymore (unless the person deserves it). I did feel guilty about it at the time. This story doesn’t even come close to some of the more stupid things i have done, if you only knew.
But honestly? you haven’t lied to some gross guy who was hitting on you? or to a guy you were hitting on? Like chris rock said, women are walking lies…you ain’t that tall, you’re wearing heels, your skin ain’t that nice, you wear make up. clearly these might not pertain to you, but i’m just throwin it out there.
*immaturity:i was a ridiculous, stupid kid. my antics got me into a lot of trouble, similar to yours, didn’t get ousted tho
Logical Disconnect – you want the desi version of tucker max don’t you. debaucherous tales of partying with femina models in Bangalore to clique hopping at Bhangra Blowout. I do know someone who is half way thru a book of this nature however its from the female version of tucker max, who ironically lives in chicago.
Um, I guess i have cocopuffs, LOL. I guess I deserve that for being so judgemental.
Cocopuff, that’s called a Page 3 party in India. You need to wear black Armani shirts and khakis from Banana to pick women up in those parties. And a few ounces of coke….Coca Cola that is, mixed with rum.
Puffs,
By any chance do you have her number, I just want to ask her how difficult it is to write a book…..after all it would be painful for her to type the whole book…..I dont mind giving her a helpful hand…..
I always have good intentions when it comes to girls……..except that, they dont think the same way.
I claim my right as an aunty (gawd help us) to be judgemental on yo ass, dammit! This isn’t a double standard. It is that very clear line between being a prankster/rapscallion/amusing little boy-tart and a sort of sleazy user.
I think women see the former as good-hearted (albeit eventually annoying or immature) while the latter are just plain creepy. Boils down to: will this person slip roofies into my drink, or pretend he didn’t see it if someone else does? Doesn’t mean you ever will…but that sort of behaviour falls in the general vicinity, yknamean?
That woman sounds like she was lonely and perhaps a little desperate….nothing really funny about it, yeah? Not like a teenybopper in fuck-me pants who won’t particularly care if you gave her the number to your dentist cuz chances are she gave you the digits to her gyno.
That being said, play on player.
MD – i admire your honestly, i would love the oppurtunity to shoot the shit sometime.
logical disconnect – haha yes i do have her number but i can’t give it to you as i’ve already said to much.
DesiDudeinAustin – come on… on occasion I do wear my clone gear when i have to, you can’t go socialite events wearing diesel jeans and a ripped dolce shirt. A couple ounces? what are you nuts that’ll last like 2 weeks, just a gram bag and a couple of prerolled blunts and your good to go. Besides whose going to ask questions in India???
Cicatrix- aunty gi, in retrospect i felt like i played her, but in reality it was the opposite, that used feeling doesn’t wash off in the morning. As for the double standard, i get what your saying and agree. I’m clearly the first type and if you ever meet me, you’d prolly thing i’m hilarious. As for the teenyboppers in hot pants, handing out the fake numbers…haven’t got one yet, although i usually don’t call em back unless they’re as thought provoking as you 😉
As for being a player, i am not. i’m tired of the chase, and just want to meet a girl who snowboards/skis, listens to hip-hop, reads books,can dance (hustle is a neccessary), and is just plain fun.
Cocopuffs,
Sorry for the delay in replying to your, er, reply — transatlantic time difference etc.
Your anecdote was very funny — You sound just like a very good friend of mine from my college days about a decade ago (he was also always getting up to similar escapades with various women). Excusable for a college kid (just about) but not for anyone older. But you know all that already, obviously 😉
Don’t forget “intelligent and a nice person” too — you don’t want someone who fits all the above criteria but is also a gold-digger and/or the stereotypical nasty “Indian Princess”.
Oh yes, and “not married” too. The nicest ones are unfortunately often married, as I’m sure you’ve also experienced as you’ve got older (it’s also the case here on SM — don’t worry, you’ll find out wink).
You come across as a great guy anyway, so I do wish you the best of luck in finding whatever it is you’re looking for.
Jai Singh – true true, the not married part is clutch, When it comes to the gold diggers well, kanye says it “If you ain’t no punk, Holla we want PRENUP!! we want PRENUP!!”
I agree to that, however nice can be boring, literally all of the coolest,outgoing, strong, intelligent single desi ladies i know (did i forget beautiful) are like 30 something and are professional women who live the sex and the city lifestyle and complain about how their family wants to see them married and how there are no quality guys out there. I completely agree, i have a feeling i will end up the male equivalent, or if i’m lucky perhaps i’ll end up with one of these types.
There is a new movie coming out on this http://www.findingpreet.com Not like it hasn’t been done before but, she’s family so GO WATCH THE MOVIE. If you live in NYC, the ‘Fifth Annual IAAC (Indo-American Arts Council Inc.) will be screening the movie at Lincoln Centre in New York on Nov.4, 2005 at 8:00 PM. Tickets will be $10.
How’d you find out about my street name?
I loves me my salsa!
Cocopuffs,
The lyrics to that song by Kanye do make me laugh ! Innovative video too.
When I said “nice” I meant “good-natured” — I agree completely about the cool desi ladies you’ve just mentioned, but you definitely don’t want to be with the kind who are all of the above but take it way too far — the type who go to self-destructive extremes. Or who will be fixated on being “scandalous and unconventional” just for the ego-trip.
You know what I mean — I’ve said this before a couple of times on other threads — “naughty [on the outside] but nice [on the inside]” is the best balance as far as I’m concerned, because she’ll be fun to be with but simultaneously you don’t have to worry about her cheating on you with all those alleged male “friends” who keep phoning her up. Or her being after you just for the money & lifestyle. Or planning to divorce you and take half your house just for the scandal-factor.
They are out there, believe me….
I live in the UK but thanks for the heads-up buddy — I have actually heard of that movie, so will keep an eye out for it if it’s released over here in the United States of Ingerlaanda 😉
Jai Singh – I completely agree with you, naughty on the outside, nice on the inside. The alleged male friends, yea thats happened to me with one of my so-called friends none the less, i’m a vindictive person, i can’t tolerate that shit, she got what she deserved, but thats a whole other story which surely would get me in some trouble here.
As for this sect of 30 something ladies…tell me more, they seem to be your bread and butter as i’m assumming you’re in that age group.
You’ve heard of the movie! no shit, thats awesome. I basically tell everyone i know about it.
Yea well that’s what women want too, you dumbasses!
not ya’ll personally. just saying 🙂
jsut change the pronouns and tinker a bit for:
“naughty [on the outside] but nice [on the inside]” is the best balance… because he’ll be fun to be with but simultaneously you don’t have to worry about him cheating on you with all those alleged female “friends” who keep phoning him up. Or being after you just for the easy lay. Or planning to divorce you after you can’t lose pregnancy weight/get wrinkly/are overshadowed by his hot new secretary.
The Cicatrix Male ReEducation Camp has Spring, Summer and Fall Sessions. Sign up NOW!!
😛
The Cicatrix Male ReEducation Camp has Spring, Summer and Fall Sessions. Sign up NOW!!
At first in a hurry I read it as male reduction camp….missed that bold E….being blind, I wouldn’t blame myself either:)
I will be the first person to sign in…How much is the fee.
cicatrix – you crack me up
Thats why you gotta meet her moms before, no future surprises 😛
sorry i’m an ass
Cocopuffs,
I wouldn’t necessarily call them my “bread and butter” but yes I am in that age bracket. It also includes desi women in their late 20s too.
As with most things it just depends on the particular individual; there are plenty of decent women out there who fit the description in your earlier post and are still single just because they haven’t met the right guy yet. With others, however, they are single for the “wrong” reasons, ie. they’re excessively demanding in their expectations (more so than Caucasian women, ironically), or are addicted to the single lifestyle (regardless of what they might say), or are saying/doing something very wrong indeed which is putting guys off.
There are other factors of course involving the complications of desi families (especially parents), who can deliberately or inadvertantly sabotage matters. Apart from the fact that South Asian culture in general can be a little more political and ego-driven than “normal” Western culture, the whole thing about “marriage is between two families not just two individuals” can also make these matters a real minefield — so there’s a significant complicating factor there which is perhaps less of an issue when it comes to white women.
But as I said before, there are decent desi women out there who are also from cool families. Assuming that the “right” woman for you isn’t already in a steady long-term relationship with someone else or indeed married, of course 😉
In which case you need to make a decision as to whether you’re going to restrict your options marriage-wise to just desi women or if you’re going to also seriously — and realistically — consider white/non-South Asian women too….Which is a whole different topic, albeit one semi-related to this thread’s original subject 😉
Jai Singh – thanks for the words of wisdom, yea i dunno i don’t discriminate too much when it comes to the ladies. I know many of the pitfalls of both desi/desi and desi/non-desi relations. I think i just need to find an abcd like me. I’d like to think i’m far away from marriage…the way i see it, if you’re looking for it you’ll never find it, it will inevitably find you. i am young and naive still, i am aware of this.
Postal service says it well: replace “movie” with “bollywood movie” and “london underground” with “metro in paris” and “you” with “my abcd princess” “I was waiting for a cross-town train in the london underground When it struck me that i’ve been waiting since birth to find A love that would look and sound like a movie so i changed my plans and rented a camera and a van and then i called you”
i suffer from mild dementia, i realize this, but the day at work goes by SOOO much faster!!
i think women choose men for reasons men should not ever try to figure out
EXTINCTION DO YOU KNOW WHAT IS HAPPENING TO THE JAPANESE RACE??? THEY WILL BE CLOSE TO EXTINCITON IN 100 YRS COS ALL THEIR WOMEN ARE HAVING BABIES BUT NOT TO JAPANESE MEN!!!
ALSO ASIAN GIRLS DO NOT REALISE THIS BUT IT TAKES AN ASIAN MAN TO PRODUCE A REALLY PRETTY ASAIN GIRL. ANYONE SEEN A MIZED BABY LOOK AS PRETTY AS THEIR MOTHER???
The reality is, when you go to East Asia, most of the girls prefer Asian men, it is impossible an ordinary girl would prefer a white man / Indian man, which used to be a fantasy for many western males, which being portraited in Western(American) meda and films.
Whether you choose to deny it or not, there are only two groups of Asian women who choose to have a western BF:
1) usually the ugly or abnormal ones who can get a normal Asian BF, so relunctantly degrade to go out with a white guy 2) those with financial disadvantages (remember, money can buy sex but not love) who accompanying different men for $
Never believe what the American published magazines or dating websites talked about how Asian girls prefer white males in the survey and so on. There are so many countries in Asia, there’re already hugh cultural differences and appearance between East Asian and South East Asia. As for the physical attractiveness, E Asian girls have different perspective, and most of them think that we white men are brainless, hairy meatheads, arrogant and smelly. Sad but true, becaus I’ve been dating many Asian girls and know what they think in general.