I’m not from around here

This billboard of TMBWITW sits at the corner of Dundas and Yonge St. in downtown Toronto. Ironically, I was in that city attending the wedding of a man who’s infamous because of the same kind of billboard.

My buddy ‘Milind Das’ (not his real name, for reasons which will become clear) is a Canadian-born desi living in London. He used to work in India as a toney management consultant with an expat package. He often flew between Delhi and Bombay for business meetings at dawn. Early one morning, before sunrise, Milind witnessed an ethereal phantom in a white sari emerging from the fog at Indira Gandhi International. She was a young woman with large eyes, pleasant-looking but not overpoweringly so. She’d covered her hair and much of her face with the end of her sari and was accompanied by an elderly, glowering Cerberus.

Milind settled into his first class seat, pulled out his laptop and began working on a spreadsheet. The watchdog positioned herself grimly between him and her ward. Over the next two hours, her expression changed. At first it was, ‘Don’t even think about talking to my daughter.’ As the minutes ticked by and Milind remained oblivious to her beauty, it became, ‘Why the hell aren’t you talking to my daughter?’

Milind noticed the flight attendants were especially attentive that morning. When the flight ended, he shared a ride into town with one of the attendants whom he’d befriended. (Modesty forbids us from asking about that tale.) She asked him excitedly whether he’d seen the actress.

‘What actress?’

At that very instant, the cab was passing below a supersized Bollywood billboard. The aeronymph stared at him incredulously and pointed up in the air. And that’s how our young swain met The (Second) Most Beautiful Woman in the World.

I trust it’s clear why we must mask Milind’s identity. Otherwise, half a billion desi men would hunt him down for his Bolly ignorance. Of course, he found his own TMBWITW and, 96 hours ago, married her. I’m happy to report that ‘Mrs. Das’ lives up to the name.

Related post here.

84 thoughts on “I’m not from around here

  1. The Second Most Beautiful Woman in the World?

    yes, because obviously his wife comes first.

  2. It’s not the “brown”, she looks plenty “brown” in films like Iruvar or Chokher Bali, I just can’t recognize her in that pic…I mean if someone tells me that’s her OK, but am pretty surprised…

  3. i’m glad they put some color on her, or allowed her to show off her color. i’m tired of the idolization of “fairness is beauty”.

  4. Similar story. I sat next to her on a flight to Delhi. Even managed to make conversation. She’s quite giggly and somewhat dull. Very annoying teenager-like. Ended up pulling out the laptop and working on my spreadsheets. Sure I would like to see her spread on my sheets, but I think they make her out to be far more than she is.

  5. uh… manish… how was the sepiate gettogether in TO? did neha and ang have a catfight? did ananthan stick his elbow in the eggplant curry? did you get any beaver tail? what’s the scoop on the city dude! where’s the pix?

  6. Who invented the acronym TMBWITW? It’s painfully geeky.

    Two friends of mine met Ash in a Mumbai club. They said she was a bitch.

    Another friend interviewed her and said she was a bitch. In fact I urge you Indian girls who idolise her so much to read the interview my friend wrote up.

    she speaks of herself in the third person for crying out loud! ThereÂ’s no arguing it (unless youÂ’re a man), Aishwarya RaiÂ’s beauty is skin deep.

    Ash is attractive to some. She’s a good actress and a great dancer. She’s making ripples outside India. She’s a classy chick who isn’t embarassing Indians. She’s intelligent. But for Christ’s sake, she’s just another actress. Why oh why do people obsess about her so much? A few years back Channel 4 ran a poll for the most influential Asians in the UK. It featured Laxmi Mittal, Meera Syal, Salman Rushdie etc. But who was number 1? Aishwariya Rai! She’s not British, what on earth was that about? If you want a running journal of all her advertising appearances, she’s been on the back of buses in London for several years now.

    I’m not a hater, I wish her well. But let’s not sugar-coat her simply because we’re proud of her.

  7. dude! is that legal to say around here??? respect the ladies and all….

    that came out a lot worse than intended, my bad. attempted smart-alecky word play. apologies to the ladies. That aside, wonder where this image of her as ‘intelligent’ comes from. Personally, i think she lacks substance.

  8. wonder where this image of her as ‘intelligent’ comes from

    I say that simply because she speaks well and she’s obviously got her head screwed on to achieve so much. Indian girls have tried before and will continue to do so, but none have enjoyed her success. You have to have some savvy to do that.

  9. Bong Breaker,

    Why oh why do people obsess about her so much?

    Apart from the fact that she was the first Miss India in a very long time to win the Miss World contest, it’s because she’s unusually beautiful and looks unlike (and certainly more “white” than) the vast majority of Indian women, including other models and actresses (except for people like Celina Jaitley). In that sense, not only does she stand out a hell of a lot more, she’s also perceived to have the features and colouring to be able to “take on” the most physically attractive women in the West. I’m sure you know how superficial some aspects of desi culture can be, hence she’s exalted and glorified for all these reasons.

    Plus, she has this image of being “pure” (despite the Salman Khan episode) and of being a “good Indian girl” in all respects — her mother goes everywhere with her, she still claims to be a virgin, and so on. A lot of Indian mothers regard her as being the “ideal daughter-in-law” for these reasons too, even if the reality may be somewhat different. Surface appearances unfortunately count for a little too much in some quarters of desi culture.

    Contrast that with another of her peers — and another Miss India contestant who won Miss Universe at exactly the same time — Sushmita Sen, who may be a little less striking than Ms Rai but is still very attractive for a whole bunch of other reasons, a lot of which has to do with her personality and not just her looks (if you’ve ever seen her being interviewed on TV you’ll know what I mean). Of course, Ms Sen’s character is very different indeed compared to Ash, and I’m sure a lot of the older generation (and more conservative 2nd-Generationers) would regard her as being a pretty bad girl — unashamedly so, she’s fairly open about it all — and she’d probably eat me alive….However, she would be a lot of fun to be with and definitely highly intelligent company, even if she’s quite a handful and your average Indian mother-in-law would find her terrifying…..

    The bottom line is, it’s a matter of style triumphing over substance. You can compare the two examples I’ve just given for proof.

  10. wonder where this image of her as ‘intelligent’ comes from

    it’s only because she’ll conduct a full interview in English. She’s no rocket scientist, if you listen to the interview content.

    Jai Singh- you’re dead-on yaar. And let’s face it- if you brought Aish home, once the star-struck factor wore off I doubt your mum would really want her for a bahu.

  11. she still claims to be a virgin

    Does she? Good grief that’s a laugh. Well who am I to doubt her? But a virgin over the age of 30 is a weirdo in my books. That’s why I like (love) Bipasha Basu. She’s a filthy minx and she lets everyone know it. I’d much rather hang out with her than a diva like Ash. Man if I was in Bollywood, I’d be a complete whore. I’d sleep with everyone.

    Sush (who I like to think of as a distant relation), I have met. She’s too tall for me, so I rebuffed her advances, but I think she’s very cool too. No I don’t just think Bengali girls are cool before you ask. But they are the coolest.

    Sincerely, TBTOSM.

  12. Bong Breaker,

    why I like (love) Bipasha Basu. She’s a filthy minx and she lets everyone know it.

    Hey man, Bipasha Bahenji isn’t a minx (filthy or otherwise) in real life, she was in a long-term relationship with Dino Moreo followed shortly by John Abraham, and she’s now engaged to the latter.

    But yes, she and Sush do come across as great company and personally I’d prefer them to Aish. Priyanka Chopra seems cool too — very relaxed — certainly very mature for someone still in her early 20s. I don’t know if you saw that “celebrity life swap” programme on BBC2 a few months ago where Sameera Reddy visited the UK for a while, but she came across as surprisingly normal too.

    BTW — Nothin’ wrong with tall women, mate 😉 Lots of leg an’ all that….

    What does TBTOSM mean ?

    DodgyDancer,

    Yes you’re probably right, although it’s more to do with what Aishwarya represents and allegedly embodies — ie. an “Aishwarya-type” — rather than Ms Rai literally. I obviously prefer the Sushmita Sen type, which, er, leads to interesting consequences….;)

  13. Filthy minx doesn’t mean unfaithful or plays the field. Let me explain. I’m not the kind of guy attracted to the sati savitri chaste pure girl. I like feisty women who see themselves as my equal, not my subordinate. A large proportion of this type of woman enjoys…spending time in the bedroom. That’s what I mean. Bipasha definitely is the type that enjoys sex. I know this because she said so in an interview. That’s way hotter than “ooh I’m saving myself for my husband”. Puh-lease. You’re blatantly gonna marry some fat uncle with a potloo, you’re missing out girlfriend! Hell at 32 she’s already missed out on the prime years.

    I disagree about Priyanka Chopra. I don’t find her very interesting, nor that good looking. Bit of a Barbie doll. Didn’t see the Sameera Reddy thing (was that the one with Emma Bunton?).

    I don’t just like horny girls in Bollywood. I think Rani and Preity are cool and they are more in the virginal Ash mould. But they seem nice. Ash doesn’t.

  14. 1) Manish, I have to admit that I enjoy your writing style…The use of “aeronymph” made my day. Perhaps you really should leave your day job. 2) A very good friend of mine, who I consider to be smart as a whip, was in the same class at school in Bombay with the Rai. My friend has said often times that she always considered Ash to be smart and Ash did get into medical school (it is another debate as to whether that defines smart, but at least she is no dummy) 3) I have my own (sad) story that involves Bombay airport, Ash, me and my above-mentioned good friend and how I almost met Ash (hence the sad). Now me needs a good strong drink….

  15. Ash did get into medical school (it is another debate as to whether that defines smart

    I can categorically quash the rumour that you have to be smart to get into medschool. I is all evidence you’re will need ever.

  16. On first sighting a few months ago it took me a few moments of “Is it? No…Is it? No…It is!”. I also had a hard time convincing the non-desi peeps of TMBWITW’s desiness. I found the same picture in poster style on Flickr, Aish with some cool stencil graf work, apparently taken in NY. Here she be.

  17. I think someone needs to post a link to where Ash “still claims to be a virgin”; never heard that one: she’s been in a steady relationship for years, with Vivek Oberoi, and before that with Salman Khan (so much for virginal)…

  18. More than sati savitris, I find sati savitri-wannabes more annoying.

    If you’re horny you could admit to it. Nothing wrong with it yo.

  19. Speaking of Ash aeronymph, anyone had interesting celebrity sightings? Years ago I saw Hema Malini at Heathrow airport and I could have sworn she was looking straight at me. I was 13 at the time so I doubt my looks captivated her. And my relatives in India have seen random stars like Victor Banerjee, Akshay Kumar, Jackie Shroff, Amitabh Bachhan, etc. and it’s always in some airport or hotel lobby.

  20. Umair,

    I think someone needs to post a link to where Ash “still claims to be a virgin”; never heard that one: she’s been in a steady relationship for years, with Vivek Oberoi, and before that with Salman Khan (so much for virginal)…

    I feel pretty uncomfortable about discussing her virginity (or lack of it) on a public forum — after all, at the end of the day it’s none of our business — but there were some interviews in the various British national newspapers here around the time of “Bride & Prejudice” — and during the rumours of her being the next Bond Girl — where she was repeatedly described as a “strict Hindu who is still a virgin”, and so on. Bong Breaker and other Brits on SM should hopefully be able to confirm this.

    Mathematiker,

    My friend has said often times that she always considered Ash to be smart and Ash did get into medical school

    As far as I know, this is factually incorrect. Ash was studying Architecture during the time when she won Miss World. It was another famous Bollywood model/actress who was studying Medicine (or was about to), but I can’t remember who that was.

    Bong Breaker,

    Didn’t see the Sameera Reddy thing (was that the one with Emma Bunton?).

    Yep, that’s the one. She seems like quite a nice girl, actually; very down-to-earth.

    I think Rani and Preity are cool and they are more in the virginal Ash mould.

    I can’t comment on Rani’s extracurricular activities, but buddy, Preity’s been involved in relationships with various white guys from the European mainland for years ! She’s pretty open about it all.

    Daksha,

    I find sati savitri-wannabes more annoying.

    This is the whole point of what I was saying earlier. At least Sushmita’s honest about it all — the whole thing comes down to lack of hypocrisy.

    I guess I’m echoing Bong Breaker’s sentiments here — give the choice, personally I’d rather be with a “bad girl with a good heart” rather than a “good girl with a bad heart”.

  21. Uhhh boy, people, these good girl, bad girl images are just that – images! They do it to corner a segment of the market and etch themselves a wee bit longer in your memory. I doubt Bipashu is a bad grrl and I equally doubt Ash is a good girl. It’s sooo easy to act either way, and apparently easy to fool y’all and your mother’n’laws. Again, I’m surprised how easily impressed otherwise intelligent young men can be!

    As soon as the aunti-ji’s are outta the room you’ll find out how naughty all the supposedly good girls are. Likewise, you ‘ll find out how boring the bad grrls are when they have no one to shock.


    Quick Tip on how to be a bad grrl over the internet: Replace all letter “o”‘s with “aw”. Example: hot->hawt, rock->rawk, etc etc. See, it’s easy! LOL…

  22. Yes, down with desi double standards. Although being completly honest is easier said than done I suppose. Some families are more conservative than others.

    Jai, get in the spirit of things, of course her private life is our business, she made it our business by becoming a star! You can’t be famous and expect people not to pry. I’m not very well-versed with Bolly goss, but between Mum and my girlfriend I hear the main goings-on. When I’m rich and famous, you can all discuss my virginity and I’ll be cool with it.

    And about Preity…how come the fact they were white warranted a mention? Does that make it worse? What are you implying young man?! 😉

  23. Ang, yawu make very valid pawints. But you can’t deny that Bipasha is far HAWTTER than Ash. That’s all I was really getting at. What she says, as you stated, could all be a persona. But hotness is subjective and I don’t think anyone can argue that Ash has raw sex appeal. She’s beautiful, like a delicate porcelain doll.

    I’m equally as ready as you to believe those who say they’re good are actually not (Britney Spears anyone?), but no way you can convince me the bad grrls are good! I remember the days when Bollywood was a scandalous industry for only cheap easy girls to go into. Nothing’s really changed, ask Ram Gopal Varma.

  24. Bong Breaker,

    And about Preity…how come the fact they were white warranted a mention? Does that make it worse? What are you implying young man?! 😉

    I’m implying nothing at all, old fruity. It was just in response to your earlier description of her as being “in the virginal Ash mould”. Since Preity quite openly and happily has had long-term relationships with various gauras from Europe (apparently disproportionately so, compared to the frequency of her relationships — if any — with other Indians), including her current beau, she’s hardly the conservative type herself. This is just a neutral statement and certainly not meant as a form of criticism of her — I’m pretty broadminded and liberal about this kind of thing.

    Not being the gossipy type, however, I’m not too thrilled about “getting into the spirit of things”, unless it’s regarding something an actor or actress said him/herself in some interview or television programme. Karan Johar’s recent talk show has been quite revealing in that respect.

    I don’t think anyone can argue that Ash has raw sex appeal. She’s beautiful, like a delicate porcelain doll.

    Pure physical beauty and “raw sex appeal” are not necessarily synonymous, hence my earlier comments about Ash versus Sush. A woman can be beautiful but not sexy. Ahh…you’ll learn one day, my son……;)

  25. but no way you can convince me the bad grrls are good!

    If you want a quick example of how easy it is to act bad, watch any American reality dating show. They all put on the bad act for t.v. or to get the guy. Really obvious stuff that apparently works – i.e. licking a popsicle and “subtly” mentioning how she wishes it was “something else” and guy gets all goofily excited. SO DUMB! And the sad thing is, the dumb guy falls for it. I really doubt these supposedly bad girls know what they’re doing anyways. It’s just easy to know what to say and sometimes, do.

    I hope I’m not crushing your hopes and dreams, BB…. What I’m saying is that “badness” is not that transparent. You really have to get to know someone before you know them, period.


    I’m neither “bad” nor “good”. Too secure with who I am for that highschool b.s.! Though I do use “hawt” alot…..

  26. Ahh…you’ll learn one day, my son……;)

    Aren’t we agreeing? Sex appeal and beauty aren’t synonymous…we both said that. I’m hoping that’s true anyway, it’s the only way I can explain away certain past entanglements.

  27. Jai: the only reason I asked about the link was that in all the interviews I’ve read Ash always says things like “don’t want to discuss personal life,” “it’s too personal” etc. (in contrast with the actresses of 20 years ago, who would say things like they were virgins etc.), hence my surprise. And particularly surprising given Ash’s ultra-public one-time relationship with Salman Khan, and her current ultra-public relationship with Oberoi (i.e. that says nothing one way or another about virginity, but even as to her current relationship she won’t say much in interviews, saying it’s too personal, let alone her virginity). This sort of thing (“she lives with her parents”) comes up more when Western publications write about her (I remember Letterman brought this up too), saying you’re a virgin is rather passe among Hindi film actresses these days.

  28. For years I’d never thought Ash was at all sexy (but very beautiful), but I think she’s sexier as she’s getting older: I thought her turn in Shabd was quite sexy at times, as was her B-movie spoof in the Bunty aur Babli cameo…

  29. Ah some people have no sense of fun. No I didn’t realise that you needed to get to know someone before you know them. Yes I’m actually planning on dating Bipasha Basu. Yes I’ve fallen hook line and sinker for a Bollywood actress, I’ve been completely taken in by Ciinéblitz Magazine’s exposé on sex lives of the stars. Yes I believe everything I read. Yes you have crushed my hopes and dreams. Yes I’m completely immature and fall for lots of high school B.S.

    I was just having a bit of fun, sheesh.

  30. I was just replying to your comment about Ash’s “raw sex appeal”.

    With regards to the “what makes women sexy” question in general, well I suspect someone like Genetics Professor Razib (who seems to be ridiculously well-informed about absolutely everything) could write a whole dissertation on the topic 😉

    As with most things, I think it depends on a) the specific woman, and b) the personality of the guy concerned (what he views as sexy/unsexy, to what extent this is a factor of her looks and to what extent her personality plays a part etc).

    eg. for me:

    Aishwarya : Stunningly beautiful but the giggly-virginal persona puts me off. This is just me, though, and plenty of other people of course go nuts over her.

    Sushmita : Striking — not as much as Ash but still very nice. But her personality is fantastic, and along with the fact that she comes across as very much a grown woman, personally I find her very sexy for these reasons. Again, just me, and others are free to disagree.

    Priyanka Chopra in the main part of Aitraaz : Looked absolutely gorgeous and was also ridiculously sexy all-round, in terms of her (filmi) personality and manner. ‘Nuff said.

    You get the general idea.

  31. My previous comment was in response to Bong Breaker — I had no idea about 20 people had posted messages in the meantime 😉

  32. Yes I’m actually planning on dating Bipasha Basu.

    You may not be, but your buddy Punjabi Boy is, wherever he may be!

  33. Umair,

    I thought her turn in Shabd was quite sexy at times

    I have to agree with you here — the way they’d done her make-up and general “look”, I’d never seen her looking so hot before.

    The film itself wasn’t too good, I thought, although they did try to be innovative in the storyline (a little too much for the audiences, I think). The general picturisation and photography, however, was incredible — very colourful, stylised and artistic — brilliantly done. It reminded me a little of Stigmata in that sense, if you’ve seen that.

  34. Another friend interviewed her and said she was a bitch

    BB, I read the interview and I didn’t see anything bitchy in it. And she wasn’t talking about herself in third person, she was comparing herself to a character in a movie and using “she” and “her” to describe the character. The only thing close to bitchy in that interview was that she said “just another asian magazine” to describe your friends magazine – and she didn’ know she was being overheard.

  35. Nicely written review, Umair.

    Personally I thought it meandered a bit towards the end, although I can see what the producers/directors were trying to do. Again, a very innovative film in all aspects. Bollywood needs more than that, especially the quite poetic and stylish “photography” as mentioned before.

    Brave of Ash to take on a slightly unconventional role too. Good for her.