One of my closest friends is getting married this Thanksgiving. We went to the same high school in Maryland and were roommates at the University of Michigan. I know his lovely fiancé as well (she coincidentally has the same last name). With two months to go I was starting to look for a present for them. Then, both FOBish and Neha sent in this tip. In Neha’s words “Kaliyug is upon us for sure.” The Telegraph reports:
Young Patels getting married in Britain apparently expect the most expensive wedding gifts from their guests, according to research conducted by John Lewis, the Oxford Street department store.On their “wish list” are items such as plasma television screens — they alone cost £5,000 each — Royal Doulton crockery, champagne stoppers and top-of-the-range fridge-freezers.
John Lewis picked four of the most common surnames in Britain by consulting the Office of National Statistics — Patel, Jones, Smith and Cohen — and compared their wedding gift lists.
Ha! Patel is the new Jones. I’m a bit skeptical of the so-called “research” cited in this article though. To be fair, my friend and his fiance are not at all like the couples described in this article. If they secretly are then they are going to be sorely disappointed by their broke-ass friends.
… research done by John Lewis reveals that Indians are becoming as shameless as the English. Young Patel couples come into the store before the wedding and draw up their ideal list by choosing from the 500,000 goodies that are available. They think nothing of sticking the priciest gifts on their list…Mr and Mrs Jones tend to ask for cheaper gifts such as hammocks, champagne buckets and coffee makers, with a £500 barbecue the most expensive item asked for.
Mr and Mrs Smith go for sofas, board games and microwave equipment for the kitchen. Although John Lewis would not dream of saying so, they seem even duller than the Jones.
Mr and Mrs Cohen request items such as fondue sets, Le Creuset pans and egg poachers from their wedding guests. Again, their taste leaves much to be desired.
I’m sorry but I’m with the Patels on this one. If someone brings me a board game or a fondue set then they are dead to me. Here is the take-away message:
McCulloch said: “Our latest research has highlighted some fascinating insights into wedding list preference, including the fact that couples with the same surnames are more likely to have similar wedding gifts. If you are after the ultimate and most opulent wedding lists, full of luxury goods and sensational extravagances, then it’s keeping up with the Patels that really counts.”
The Kali Yuga is upon us all.
Abhi will accept paypal for wedding gifts
Is anyone else amused by the fact that two of the four most common names in Britain belong to ahistorically English groups? I.e. Gujuratis and Jews.
Wacky demographics.
Personally I like board games. I wouldn’t mind a set of Puerto Rico or a nice Go or chess set. 🙂 But a projector seems more useful than a plasma screen. Hammocks are freakin’ awesome. What the hell is microwave equipment? I.e. you get a microwave. What else do you need?
link to ‘neha’ is broken.
Is anyone else amused by the fact that two of the four most common names in Britain belong to ahistorically English groups? I.e. Gujuratis and Jews.
some ethnic groups are surname poor. like the ubquity of ‘nguyen’ among vietnamese. or ‘cho’ or ‘pak’ among koreans.
A friend of mine in the UK put a Honda NSX. 3.0 V6 VTEC Targa Auto (Berlina Black), £65,000, on his wedding gift list. I think it was a joke but then again…
I hear the other big trend is putting “No boxed gifts please” on the invitation so as to politely request cash.
Kenyandesi, I see “No boxed gifts, Please” (or “no boxed gifts please” or “No Boxed Gifts Please”) on almost every other wedding, engagement, graduation, BIRTHDAY card I receive these days. Leaves me speechless every time…
What does it really mean when someone says , “No gifts please”? I have no clue. Apparently neither did Larry David (in a curb episode) and the birthday boy, Ben Stiller wasn’t impressed.
At my aunt’s wedding, she had written this as well, but all the brown guests brought one anyways ($ usually) while the caucasian types didn’t -lol. Then,OF COURSE she had the nerve to curse out a few of them. Serves her right.
maybe they dont want to deal with the garbage, folding up boxes can be a bitch!
!
hahaha .. yup that’s it.
well I just think that people here are obsessed with gift giving anyway. I mean I have more stuffed animals (of which maybe I like 1-2) now at the age of 25 than I ever did as a child. What am I supposed to do with them?
The commercialization of every event known to mankind, and then some is disgusting. Don’t get me wrong, I love gifts just as much as the next person, but I’d rather get something heartfelt once a year rather than thoughtless gifts 10 times a year. Unfortunately when people feel compelled to give gifts for every little thing, they tend to get tired and not put in the effort to really think about the person they are giving the gift to.
I tend to be a random gift giver, if/when I see something I think someone will like I give it to them. It’s random and fun and disperses the gift giving over the year. And I’m really bad with giving people gifts at the “right” time 🙂
Speaking of compulsory “giving,” it’s never too early to boycott Christmas!
Nina,
Aren’t they your cartoons. Great work.
I wonder how different the ordered list would look if the study focused on amount of sex had after marriage…
I have noticed when ever I go to a Gujerati festival and they have tables for registrations, there is a general table for everyone and they have a special one for the PatelÂ’s cos there are just so many off them! 🙂 My sister in law is getting married to a Patel this December and I will tell you this, their list of demands (I am going to say it like it is, it aint no request!) is more than a little crazy. Of course the wedding is going to be a ‘fakefestÂ’, since they are both doctors and so are all their fake little desi pals. Eekkkk desi, doctors and PatelÂ’sÂ…thank god itÂ’s open barÂ…..and once again I can blame my Punjabi side for the excessÂ… 🙂
Combining the Patel thread and the Christmas thread, I often fly on Christmas Eve– cheap fares, empty planes and just us Hinjews stretching out in luxury 😉
A number of stores here in the states give a discount on items not bought on the registry to the newlyweds. So many couples select expensive items in their registry knowing full well no-one will buy them just to get the discount after the wedding.
What happened to red Ganesh engraved invitations that said ‘presents in blessings only’. Some actually were sincere. I’m such a traditionalist, I would never put all that crap down on my wishlist. I would get what I want the old-fashioned way…from my father-in-law’s dowry.
So you’re supposed to pay for your plate these days, right? I went to a wedding last October. I was considering not putting anything down since it was all vegetarian fare. Is it too much to ask for some consideration for the carnivores on the guestlist on your oh so very special day. Don’t get me started on weddingmilitaryindustrial complex.
Kenyandesi – for everything else there is always eBay!
So whats the going rate for a plate these days?
Cinnamon, What does being a doctor have to do with being fake?
Being a middle class married patel, of the hotel-motel-convenience-store Patels, actually, I know that wedding gifts are cash only. Food and booze are on us, however, guests should give a “kanayadaan” to help the married couple get off to a good start. Most people I know don’t even bother registering at stores since very few people will consult it.
Doesn’t seem to be an American Desi thing, as it’s the same in India. Just remember to add a buck to the envelope to make it auspicious… $11, $21, $51, $101
O’Ya Bula Bula Bi – I solved the (stuffed animal) problem by letting my little brother re-gift the stuffed toys to his girlfriend who LOVES them.
I just don’t get why anyone would give a grown woman a stuffed toy (unless she explicitly states she likes them), and pay good money for it too (these things don’t come cheap). I can understand if the gift has meaning or sentimental value, but if not I honestly would rather they not buy me anything, and save their pennies.
Better still pay for my Amazon.com debt or buy me a drink (or ten 😉
to quote Jai Singh
Lol Lala. Yes, remember to add the buck. Except on odd birthdays, such as 22, then add 2 bucks. This makes it very hard for us Canadians, as we no longer have dollar bills or 2 dollar bills. As a result, indian wedding presentations are burderened with heavy envelopes! What’s the story behind this 1 dollar extra stuff?
Wedding gift demands have become insane from within the family too. I had a friend who got married, and her father’s sisters all demanded that the gifts that had been bought for them be exchanged for more expensive ones, or they would make a scene at the wedding…
Hmm.. seems the shaadi monster grows bigger in direct proportion to
And to think in India many are opting for simpler weddings. Really.
Sumita
The bigger these desi weddings are, the better for me .. so keep ’em coming =)
Sonia, how can you live with yourself knowing that you profit on the misery of others? 🙂
I have yet to receive thank-you notes from any DESI couple whose wedding I have attended or registry wish I have fulfilled. Yuck!
It’s not a desi custom, AFAIK. It’s way too formal. Wedding favors, useless silver coins, laddoos, hooking up your cousin with theirs, yes.
The custom in India is that guests hand you a gift at the reception, at which time you have the opportunity to thank them for it.
The American etiquette guides I’ve seen say thank-you notes are a MUST. Its nice for those people who didn’t show up but sent a gift. Just so we don’t have to wonder whether they received that salad spinner.
Am curious..
Will you guys also choose to have weddings like this?
or say “we don’t have a choice in this?” when it comes to the crunch?
How strong is parental pressure to conform?
Sumita
Never. I thought the servant in “Monsoon Wedding” had the more romantic wedding: sweet and simple. No floating $1 bills, either.
Sumitha,
Well, if I am going to get some real good “Gifts” through my well wishing guests, I dont mind Parental Pressure.
After all parents are doing only for my good. Isn’t it ?
Razib, that sounds almost like an insult to me.
“You, sir, are surname poor.” 😀
Seriously, I’ve heard 200 Chinese surnames (in character form?!) account for 70%+ of the population.
What does no boxed gifts even mean? Saris only? That sounds like a recipe for an ugly gift table–crumpled wrapping.
My family was rather scandalized by the whole concept of registration. They’re used to the blessings only bit combined with saris and jewellery and watches and books. Which I think is kind of nice—you’ll remmeber who gave you a nice sari or good book years later, and give it to your own children.
But registration is actually easier on the guests. Less thinking!!
“What does no boxed gifts even mean?”
Cash/ gift cards only.
Isn’t no boxed gifts code for cash only as kenyandesi mentioned? That’s what I’ve always thought. Although now I am getting a great visual of walking into a wedding with an unpackaged coffeemaker. 🙂
I have been in States for more than 2 decades in 2 innings (childhood and grownup) but I never been to a 100 % desi wedding (my brother was 50% and one of my cousin got married when I was at sea). Maybe, one of you guys should invite me.
I use registry sometimes, sometimes I don’t. It all depends on my mood. These days, quite often for weddings I do group gifts, where number of people pool their money and ideas together.
Tough luck for the couples.
Angie, being a doctor is what ever Indian parent aspires for their kid; I know my mum is disappointed I became a lawyer, anyway I would say almost 78% of those who become doctors are such smug SOB that you would think they cured AIDS. Well my father in law came up with a fabulous idea, I email him sepia posts that I love and he and I have debates about them, he is the part of 12% of doctors that do want to save the world, and he says that if they ask for ‘no box gifts’ you should give them a bunch of coupons! I love it!!!!!
My standard gift to my friends is a gift certificate to REI. I believe in giving presents that keep people off their asses. Years later when sporting hard bodies and spending time together pursuing extreme adventures the couples will thank me for it.
No boxed gifts? So a puppy would be OK?
Oh Abhi, when you go on your honeymoon and experience that sensation of absolute relief knowing that your wedding is over – you’ll understand. In essence, by promoting over-the-top weddings I’m just allowing couples to enjoy their honeymoons that much more =)
Mines are gifts for kicking back and luxuriating. Let’s not attend the same weddings or we’ll cancel each other out 😉
My standard gift to my friends is a gift certificate to REI.
Mines are gifts for kicking back and luxuriating. Let’s not attend the same weddings or we’ll cancel each other out.
Oh no, that sounds about perfect to me. Too bad I’m not getting married anytime in the forseeable future. Maybe by the time I get married it will actually be reasonable to invite Sepia Mutiny. 🙂
So a puppy would be OK?
:-D. Sweet. Boxless wedding here I come!
Oh wait, that requires a groom. Can I just have the puppy? And the REI card while we’re at it?
John Lewis and Patels Bah ! Uncleji jaw hit the floor when he was confronted with a wedding list from a Sikh couple from HARRODS. They got x1.00 pound sterling. Greedy bastards.
Recently Auntie has Deciphering the nunances of Wedding invities:
= Hard Cash only, unless your Non-Asian which you really do believe that your attendance is sufficent.
Mr & Mrs = We hate you/our prospect son/daughter in law or they have broken our heart and gone for a “vestern” small marriage or we gone for an ultra expensive wedding we can’t really afford.
Mr & Mrs & Family = Bring the Family, Bring the neighbourhood hell bring the whole of PUnjab We don’t care, its the other lot who are paying..
Sorry you got there first kenyandesi I tip my pug to you. Saheli there’s a nephew that need s a green card…..
Why do desis often have such extravagent weddings ?
Answer is one or more of the following:
Jai
It’s a disguise. The whole thing is driven by an explicit or subliminal desire on the part of the parents and/or the child to over-compensate for the fact that the marriage isn’t really based on idealistic “right” reasons (ie. it’s for ego/status/money/political reasons), and that the young couple don’t actually love each other in the real sense of the term. I’ve often wondered if this is one of the major reasons why huge weddings have become so traditional in South Asian culture, bearing in mind the historical dominance of arranged marriages (obviously decreasing these days).
You have a point there, oft overlooked. Its hard to turn a wedding into a circus, when one views it as a serious, dedicated, loving journey. The required contemplation and sanctity seems to be missing from these celebratory moods.
someone I knew asked once
“why do people dress in shiny clothes and dance and eat at a wedding? After all , it is merely a fertility ritual”
Huh?
Sumita
.
I’ll regard my marriage as a journey alright as a wild drive through a ravine in a car with no brakes in the pitch black and Auntji doing the driving.
“LEFT WOMAN LEFT”
Uncleji
Sincere question. No need to answer if offended.
Is auntiji not reeally enough to satisfy your need for w “wild ride” that you are here looking for more adventure?(as evident in your comments?)
If your other comments are make believe, then this one is not valide. If this one is valid, then the others are not.
So which one is it?
Sumita
(as I said, no need to answer. but there is an inconsistency in your POV, which I could not resist the thril of pointing out for the benefit of younger ones here, and in line with the responsibility of being truthful as adults)
Might be my percentage of non-desi blood, but I handwrote personal thank you notes to every single auntie/uncle/fourth cousin/etc. that attended our wedding, thanked them for their gift (whether boxed or not)… and supposedly they all got so excited and called my M-I-L to compliment her on her lovely, polite, and thoughtful bahu.
It’s totally not the custom with desi weddings, I guess. But that doesn’t make it right to skip on the thank you’s…