Earlier we posted about how prayers have been outsourced to India. Now Indian priests have even found subcontractors (via India Uncut):
After toys and dolls, communist China — where there are strict curbs on religious practice — has flooded Indian markets with images of Hindu gods and goddesses. And the religious-minded are bowing before their superior quality.
“Containers are landing in Mumbai by the dozens every month. Not a single idol goes unsold; there’s a mad scramble for them. I’m struggling to cope with the demand,” said Balwant Singh, who runs a gift shop in Mohali. “The buyers come and ask for images of different gods and goddesses, but will accept only those made in China. Not many buy Indian-made idols now.”
What makes the Chinese idols so attractive? “Their finish is excellent. They are made of synthetic material and are very colourful,” said another gift shop owner in Chandigarh, Inder Kumar Sethi. “The customer would take one look at a Chinese idol and immediately settle for it… There is also more variety in these idols… They are unbreakable and can be washed. The Indian ones are heavier and not as well polished. Their shelf-life is very short but the price is cheap.” [Link]
As Clayton Krishnasen might say, only the high end is safe from this market disruption:
For the moment, though, Kumartuli with its heavy, custom-made idols seems safe enough. [Link]
You know which god the communists churn out? Lakshmi, goddess of wealth. Amit Varma wisecracks:
And you know what they’re made of? Irony. [Link]
I leave you with the hilarious lyrics to ‘Plastic Vishnu,’ a banjo song:
Plastic Vishnu, plastic Vishnu
Riding on the dashboard of my car:
Ride with me and you’ll be safer,
You needn’t bother with any wafer
Bow to Plastic Vishnu, in my car…If I run over little old ladies
And the police think I might have rabies
They’ll never find my hashish, though they ask;
plastic Vishnu shelters me,
For His head comes off, you see —
He’s hollow, and I use Him for my stash…
Avalokitesvara
Says Bhrkut is pissed at Tara
All three on the dashboard of my van
Smiling like he’s a little loony
There’s that cute little Sakyamuni
Simpering from the dashboard of my van…When I’m makin’ some goth club diva
I got my ceramic Siva
Ravishing the dashboard of my little Jitney van
The girlies know that I be stylin’
Thanks to that cryptic Siva smilin’
Smilin’ from the dashboard of my …
Sneerin’ from the dashboard of my …
Leering from the dashboard of my van.
It’s a parody of ‘Plastic Jesus‘ from Cool Hand Luke:
Plastic Jesus, Plastic Jesus
Riding on the dashboard of my car
Though the sun shines on his back
Makes him peel, chip, and crack
A little patching keeps him up to par…You can buy a Sweet Madonna
Dressed in rhinestones sitting on a
Pedestal of abalone shell
Goin’ ninety, I’m not wary
‘Cause I’ve got my Virgin Mary
Guaranteeing I won’t go to Hell…I don’t care if the night is scary
As long as I got the Virgin Mary
Sittin’ on the dashboard of my car.
She don’t slip and she don’t slide
Cuz her butt is magnetized
Sittin’ on the dashboard of my car…No, I don’t care if it rains or freezes
Long as I have my plastic Jesus
Riding on the dashboard of my car
But I think he’ll have to go
His magnet ruins my radio
And if we have a wreck he’ll leave a scar…Riding home one foggy night,
With my honey cuddled tight,
I missed a curve and off the road we veered.
My windshield got smashed-up good,
And my darling graced the hood.
Plastic Jesus, He had disappeared.Plastic Jesus! Plastic Jesus,
No longer chides me with His holy grin.
Doctors in the X-ray room
Found Him in my darling’s womb.
Someday, He’ll be born again!…
There’s even some for the Buddhists…
Jolly Buddha, fat and squattin,
on a pad of aspirin cotton,
He’s with me wherever I may roam,
When it’s late and I start to hurry,
I know he ain’t gonna worry,
He looks at me and all he says is, “Oooommmmmmm…”
… and the secularists:
I don’t care if I’m broke or starvin’
As long as I’ve got a fish named Darwin
Glued to the trunklid of my car
God, I’m feeling so evolved
Drivin’ with my problems solved
Proclaiming what I think of what we are
Here’s more on a different Chinese (American) idol.