The N word

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I was at the amazing barbershop around the corner from my apartment the other day getting a haircut. I love my barbershop. It is an old school “barrio” barbershop with a spinning pole outside and men grunting inside as they speak in a mixture of Spanish and English. They spend an obscene amount of time on each haircut. It makes me feel very special. Anyways, as I am sitting in the chair this young Hispanic guy waiting to get a haircut, strikes up a conversation with the young black gentleman in the chair next to mine. They started by talking about neighborhood chicks that they have or have wanted to bleep, then moved on to gossiping about prominent members in the local gangs. “Yeah I know T-Lo. He’s mellowed since he been out of the joint.” I was loving this conversation. Then it got educational all of a sudden. The Hispanic guy felt the need to unburden himself by telling this black man, whom he had just met, that he had used the word “N–ga” recently while he was watching a football game with his best friend (who was black). “I think I may have offended him cause he hasn’t been the same. I’m not racist you know. Its just that many of my friends are black people who be saying N–ga this, N–ga that all the time, and being in that environment it just came out. I hope he wasn’t offended.” The poignancy of the situation struck me. This guy was asking for absolution from a black man, whom as I mentioned he had just met, for the guilt he felt over using a word that didn’t “belong” to him, in front of another black man. This made me think of my own experiences. I have never been able to grow accustomed to the N-Word being used by South Asians as it increasingly is (free registration required for Feb 14th article):

You can see it on television, where comedian Chris Rock makes the word a staple of his routines.

And it’s obvious in local schools, where students of all races concede the word – when used in the right context – is a playful way to talk with your close friends.

“I just grew up hearing it from my friends,” said Zibi Zarghese of Englewood, a student at Rutgers-Newark and a 1999 graduate of Dwight Morrow High School.

Even though Zarghese is Indian, he feels comfortable using the word with his close friends who are black. He even uses the word with his white friends.

“I was accepted in using it. I only used it with my friends,” he said.

But it can cause problems. Zarghese recalled an incident in high school where he used the word with one of his friends and someone else overheard it and started giving him grief.

He learned there are rules. Use it only with and around friends. Always say the word as if it ends in an “a,” never with the harder sounding “er.” Saying it with an “er” is always offensive, no matter what the context. And never use it in front of parents, Zarghese said.

South Asians have never really taken ownership of an ethnic slur. Certainly we stereotype and say Gujus are cheap and Punjabis are crazy and like to fight, but I don’t hear us greet each other with a “what’s up my sand n–ga?” or a “how’s it hangin’ towel head?” Yet I do occasionally hear South Asians say “what’s up my n–ga?” What’s up with that? Shouldn’t we get our own word? Or do we even need a word? Its not just South Asians either, as hiphopmusic.com describes:

Last night at one of my DVD shopping spots in Chinatown they were playing some surprisingly funky cantonese pop.. not really funky by American standards but you could tell they were trying their best to work it, and had landed in a mysterious realm halfway between Timbaland and Air Supply.

I appreciated the effort, and was nodding my head approvingly the singer started making a little speech in english.. I didn’t catch everything he said, but I was damn sure bewildered when he ended his rap with a triumphant “..and you better recognize! Niggaaaaas!!”

Then they launched into the chorus: “This is the outroooo… For all you chickens and hoes….. This is the outroooo.. for all you chickens and hoooes..”

That’s almost as bad as Geeksta Rap. This happened to be something I was thinking about while getting my haircut so I thought I’d put it out there to see if anyone wants to opine.

34 thoughts on “The N word”

  2. I would never use the word under any circumstance, I dont care what has been done about reclaiming it. If you’re not black, you should not use it. The word is so loaded with viciousness and hatred and bigotry that anyone who uses it who is not black is being presumptuous.

  4. I have similar kinds or problems with the word “dyke.” A lot of my friends in college were lesbians, and I became really used to them tossing it around. I’ve used it in front of my friends – and they’re fine with it. (One even said that I had earned the “I can say dyke and not be a ‘phobe card.” Foreshadowing my future as a lawyer – I wanted it in writing 😉 )

    I wouldn’t use it in front of non-friends. I’d just feel…..weird and wrong doing that.

    -D

  7. Sorry Ajju, didn’t mean to leave you hanging. The black man played it off. He listened intently and said, “right, uh huh,” repeatedly and continued to be friendly. When any of us are faced with the prospect of judging someone in front of their face, we hesitate. Its entirely possible that later on the black man would reconsider his actions and wished he had taken the time to educate or give his opinion, but that would mean passing judgement. Its easy to judge someone that is hateful but harder to judge someone who is ignorant. The Hispanic man felt the most guilt over the fact that his daughter was playing outside with his best friend’s daughter. “What if they had heard?” he said.

  8. I have a close Caucasian friend, to whom I often remark, “cracker, please.” Is that bad?

    Also, Abhi, Apul & Manish are going to get me institutionalized for random outbursts of laughter at a computer screen. Sepia Mutiny- not always suitable for work.

  9. Tangential comment : Zibi Zarghese is a fine name, but i’m guessing that the name his parents gave him is Varghese (malayalam-syriac version of George) not Zarghese ?

  10. HUH? I was a little confused to see this posted but it is an interesting topic. Here`s my 10,000 yen!

    Regarding the N Word- I dont use it and Im African-American. However,I`m an African-American who is critically engaged in looking at the system of patriarchy and white supremacy which I was born into. African-Americans have come a long way in our struggle to make the American promise a reality to all people in the U.S.A.

    But I dont think some of us (including me) have come far enough for the N-word not to sting or enrage us if a non-Black person uses it. If a fellow African-American uses the term with me, I just look at them like they have lost their minds. Im slowly making an conscious effort to get over the N-word but its difficult because it is synonmous with hatred for me.

    I do think the N-word usage has become problematic due to the hip-hop community embracement of the term, coupled with global appeal of the music. A whole bunch of people who arent descendents of slaves in the U.S.A are listening to the music. Some listeners are interested in the music enough to learn about where it came from and the people who helped shape it. Some people think it is cool and want to mimic it, including saying the N-word. It can confuse non-Black people if all the rappers use it and they consider themselves down with the rappers even though they arent Black. Then, the non-Black person uses the N-word around Blacks and they (the Blacks) get pissed.

    I know some African-Americans say that they use the N-word in an playful or affectionate manner. That`s bullshit in my view! I think African-Americans who readily use the term are dealing with self-hatred. Unfortunately, some African-Americans have bought into the racist constructs that permeates American life unless one exercises critical thinking skills.

    Basically, I don`t care what some African-Americans say, if a desi, white, Hispanic, or Asian person comes up to most Black people and used the N-word in conversation, the Black person would be pissed and a number of scenarios may play out.

    I say use the N-word at your own risk around Black people including myself! I wont beat you up ;) but Ill lecture you to death!

  11. I also don`t buy that African-Americans reclaiming the N-word bullshit argument either!

    What is the M word?

    To Brimful- I think cracker is a hateful term. I didn`t grow up hearing it used by many African-Americans in the midwest. However, when I hear it, I flinch.

  14. Beep- Whats wrong with the word niggardly? I know the difference between the N-word and niggardly. Some people dont. Im loud & proud African-American but Im smart too 🙂

  15. It sounds bad, but this is ridiculous:

    … teacher Stephanie Bell… used the word “niggardly” during a discussion about literary characters. Parent Akwana Walker, who is black, later protested the use of the word, because it sounds similar to a racial slur.

    The teacher, who is white, was ordered by the school principal to send an apology to her students’ parents… Bell was then sentenced to sensitivity training and was told not to use the word again… I guess that means I should never use the words “honk,” “sauerkraut” or “Spic-n-Span.”

  17. During my freshman year of college, I played in a spades tournament where the majority of players were black, and at some point I made the mistake of calling someone out for repeatedly reneging by referring to them as a (and I still cringe when I think about this) “reneger.” My partner in the tourney, who was black, had to hold back a couple dudes from pummeling the crap out of me because they thought I said the N word. Now, I don’t get embarrassed easily, but at that moment I wanted to crawl into a hole and die. Even after my partner explained what I actually said, when we won the tournament the rest of the players’ stares made me want to gouge out my eyes so as to not see them.

  19. Thats a funny story Rajesh! If you call me a renegar- I wont beat you up either.

    Id still give you a lecture about some random topic, such as the greatness of myself & my weblog or the great hospitality of Black midwesterners, or something like that. Im so close to losing my mind right now that its ridiculous 😉

  21. There was this big stink in DC over the word niggardly a few years ago:

    As many people have heard by now, there has been a firestorm of publicity about the word niggardly. David Howard, head of the Office of Public Advocate in Washington, D.C., used the word in a meeting in reference to his administration of an emergency fund, in its correct sense ‘stingy; miserly’. Some people objected to this, thinking that he had used the racial slur nigger, while others thought that the word itself was a slur on blacks. Mr. Howard resigned over the uproar, and the mayor quickly accepted his resignation.

    More here and here.

  23. I grew up with Jewish folk, and I have some of the same issues with “jap”. Thankfully, it doesn’t come up that often after you’re 16.

    your favorite goy, saurav

  24. I’m with Ms. World on this one….

    I guess it’s my Gen X’er, little experience with the hip and the hop music, that makes me so uncomfortable with the word. It’s a word that sounds like the Jim Crow south to me. It sounds like an insult. It’s odd for me to consider that this word has been ‘reclaimed’ by some African-Americans, which is entirely their prerogative, but I would never use it.

  25. Rajesh- I’ve had the same sort of experience playing euchre. Made me so embarrassed for zero reason other than hypersensitivity that we all started modifying the past tense grammar and mispronuncing the word, saying ‘he perpetual reNEGGs’ or something else.

    I’ve had to think about this and maybe look at my own reactivity: yesterday, making hotel reservations for a project team to go to Denver, I got a good laugh at the fact that we’re staying at the BROWN PALACE. 2 of us cracked up and said “We should feel right at home, yaar!” (yuk yuk yuk) But I have to admit that if my white boss had made the same comment, it would NOT have been cool at all.

  26. There are different levels to how sensitive I am about this stuff. I don’t mind laughing at my own race (“hey, that’s a stereotypically Indian trait that person is displaying. I know this because I am also Indian. har har.”), but I get really uncomfortable when I hear, for example, Desi kids saying the N word or making fun of other races. Even Russell Peters’ material where he pokes fun at East Asians feels slightly squicky to me; not many people can pull off that type of stuff without looking like a jerk.

    Could be that I’m oversensitive, but growing up close to towns that proudly displayed signs which contained such racially harmonious phrases as “N—ers, don’t come out at night,” will do that to ya, I guess.

  28. Nobody liked my John Negroponte joke? Why are ya’ll behaving so niggardly with your yuks?

    That’s pretty f–king hilarious! Kudos.

  29. Like ashvin said: Ziby Zarghese???…has Snoop’s popularization of inserting random Z’s finally reached Malayalee names?? …its Varghese my people…although the alliteritative nature of the faux name remains rooted in strong Malayalee tradition..what a conflicted malu homeboy…ahh the trials and tribulations of being an ABCD…and the hilarity that ensues.

  30. hi, this is zibi zarghese (varghese)the article in the record was done by a friend of mine (who happens to be black). and i have no problems using the n-word with any of my friends. and if any of you have a problem with me using the n-word, good for you that i’m not your friend.

  32. First I’am new to this page.So when I scrolled down i got the answer on line 7.Okay here it is in a nutshell.We as people from different races and back grounds, we all judge regardless.So the word ni–a,Is used by black people in and uplifting way.In a sense taking the negative feel or exspression away. Because it’s a very powerful word. So nobody, but black people have the right to use the word ni–a. Anywhere whether it be in a barbershop,mall, or where ever. This word is also examined by wealthy black people who think it should not be used at all,but these are black people who have never had worry about everyday problems or issuse’s.in a sense they have a tendency to forget where they came from, because of the lifestyle that live in today. every black american living in this country today are decendents of slaves, so we are all from the hood,or projects.As i said the word nigga is very powerful,as me being an black man i use it with my friends, and family, but never with the er or ar on the end.It’s to simple to understand if your black you have all rights an ownership to the n-word so to speak.If your not black take it out your vocabulary, or mouth.Sedity, or Uppity Black people get over it.It’s part of our black american culture now, and has been for as far as i can remember.And I’am 33 year’s old.I and as every black person should know the do’s and dont’s when using the word nigga, without the ar or er.And i have been in situation’s when a cracker has used the word nigga. Thinking it is cool because the listen to a little bit of rap music.I simply tell them if anybody is going to say the word nigga it’s going to be me, me only.I that the word nigga bet not come out of your mouth around ever again. P.S. It’s been real godday godbless I’m out.

  33. My views on racial slurs: Don’t use them. If you are a part of the class that the slur would offend, you still have no right to use them. No one can claim a word, either a word can be used by everyone or no one. It is arrogant and stupid to assume that you have special speaking rights because of the color of your skin, and its also very unamerican since were all created equal, we should all be able to speak equally.

  34. I don’t like the n-word and there is no use for it. I don’t understand how you can get mad when a white person calls you the n-word. but its okay for your own race to call you the n-word. well no its not. NO ONE SHOULD USE THE N-WORD ITS NOT OKAY.