I usually don’t post refs to other blogs until they’ve been around for a while and generated a good body of consistently high quality material. But the premise behind this blog is just too interesting for Sepia Mutiny to ignore –
When I was a child, I imagined death as being a collective experience. As the lion roared for one last time and the monsoon clouds ripped their chests for the last July shower, we would suddenly drop to the ground, hands extended, toungues out. Dead. As a young adult, death seems too trivial an encounter. What casts shadows of fear is life. Especially if you are on the verge of an impending engagement with a guy you don’t particularly want to kiss-and never have. (Assuming you are a woman. Or a man.) He was “26 yrs computer professional, Brahmin, 5′ 10”, Ivy-educated looking for family values working girl bride of reputed North Indian family, no dowry, willing to settle in US”. Soon he will father my children and be the financer of my groceries. We will share toothpaste and possibly memories. In an arranged marriage, the premise is that you kiss a frog on the first night(and for the first time)- to convert him into a notional prince. Which reminds me of a video about illegal activities between a woman and two frogs. Can I bring my ex-boyfriend’s porn collection as dowry? I stole them when we broke up and I’m too sentimental to E-bay away those romantic Tuesday nights.
Follow BridalBeer as she navigates from the ex-boyfriend in NYC into an arranged marriage in India.
I liked this one:
this blog is annoying. if she’s so unhappy, she should say no. of course, if she did that she would no longer have the sympathy of the western world, nor be the subject of any insipid gurinder chadha movie as the archetypal married-against-her-will-indian-woman.
she sounds like an upper class snob afraid of losing her trust fund.
get a backbone, lady.
I can’t really tell if she’s being forced to have an arranged marriage or if she has resigned herself to it because she thinks there is no other way for her to find a mate. Since she’s only 26, I wouldn’t really understand the hurry if it’s the latter, so I’m inclined to think somehow she’s being forced into it (especially with the e-mail analysis and scrutinization that’s being done by her family).
I’m not quite sure she’s fishing for sympathy as the poster above thinks. But it is a possibility.
Regardless, this is a crap situation for her and her groom-to-be.
I feel sorry for her husband to be. The last thing I would want from a potential wife is to be harbouring sentiments for another chap even as arrangements for a wedding are underway.
You’re assuming that this is real, and not fiction, like a New Delhi based Belle de Jour.
i think it’s fiction. having said that, i added her feed to my bloglines. ain’t nothin’ wrong w/a little storytelling, as long as it’s entertaining.
The possibility that this could be fiction never really occurred to me, but I guess it very well could be. I don’t think it matters, though, as the writer obviously wants to pass it off as real. There’s some great storytelling here, fiction or not, so I’m gonna keep reading.
I think y’all are reading it way too literally. Do you really think someone independent and organized enough live in New York on her own and write a blog daily in a literary style would be forced into a marriage against her consent? She has her reasons. The old flames didn’t work out.
IMO you’re misreading culture as scrutiny. In the extended family, there’s no expectation of privacy in desi culture, you share all. When I’m in India, all my cousins read my email with me, and they see it as perfectly normal. You share your lives. Privacy is for your mobile 🙂
Remind me to send you more interesting email next time you’re in Delhi …
This is why I really don’t know what to think of her reasons. It really could be a number of things that led her to this decision (if it was a decision at all). And, I’ve known people like this, Desi and not, who were “forced,” through guilt or an overwhelming sense of family responsibility, to do a lot of things they didn’t want to. It’s not uncommon, really.
…even if it’s fiction, she’s perpetuating a tired storyline that borders on stereotype.
is that all south asian women can write about? being victims of arranged marriages?
this is why the western world continues to exoticize us; entreprenurial hacks like her keep shoving this crap down the assembly line.
Even if this blog is fictional, this type of occurrence is frequent enough, even for “someone independent and organized enough live in New York on her own and write a blog daily in a literary style.” Should we pretend such things don’t exist? Hide them b/c we’re afraid that the west will think of us as either tacky or exotic? People write about the reality around them. For upper middle class women that’s one of some freedom to study and travel and date surreptitiously combined with powerful social pressures and scrutiny.
That said, I would love to read some desi genre fiction. Where are the desi detectives? Desi science fiction writers? What would desi fantasy look like? I know that the respectable literary forms are novels, epics and romances but …
Ennis: Try “Feluda” translations from Bengali for some interesting, Sherlockesque detective fiction. Beep, when I do get married I’ll combine your comment with Ennis’ comment- and write a whodunnit blog in the “joota chhipayee” context.
DEAR BRIDAL BEER
TELL THE INDIAN DUDE HOW YOU REALLY FEEL AND MARRY BRIAN AND LIVE HAPPILY EVER AFTER.
signed, indian man who would hate to be your husband
Dear BridalBeer,
I don’t know if you’ll see or read this… I personally don’t know you or do I pretend to nor am in a position to point fingers or pass judgement. I too have been in love before, not in the US but, in Australia. Unfortunetly it didn’t work out for me in the end as she found someone else….. Anyways to make my point – I do understand and sympathize with you and the position you are in.
I just hope you find that someone and be happy. No matter who he maybe. As, at the end of the day it is you who has to live with him not me or your friends or your family…! Your parents only want what is best for you, I’m sure they will understand at some point….. As they say, you have only life make sure it is a good one 🙂
good luck to you
BridalBeer,
Read your blog. I dont know what to say, you sound so smart and articulate then why cant you fight for what you think is not right? I felt sad for you at first when i read about you and Brian but now after reading it all i have full sympathy towards the person who is going to be married to you. Tch Tch Tch that poor guy he has no idea what he is getting into. Hope you get peace.
Yeah I have seen her comments spiral into sad territory.
Her last entry? Weird.
you can read comments? how? i thought she got rid of them– i can only see the permalink/email-to options… hmmm.
By comments I mean her entries, like her latest entries on her boyfriend Brian and then the one about her emailing Brian the correspondence from a prospective Would Be groom
I am a student at NYU – studying documentary film and am producing a short on arranged marriages in New York. Has anyone had one or contemplating one?
Does anyone know what happened to Bridalbeer? I’ve always wondered, her blog was deleted.
ditto. wotever happened to bridalbeer? she used to be my staple morning diet for a long string of mornings! 🙂